Top Ten Suggested New Jobs for Former White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card

10. Professional Harry Dean Stanton impersonator
9. Tutoring Special Needs kids
8. Host of Game Show Network's newest phenomenon "The All-New Card Sharks with Andrew Card"
7. Compile memoirs of his years in the Bush administration, to be published under the title The Ass Menagerie
6. Executive Assistant to the Vice-President of Waterboarding, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba
5. Touring the country, playing the spoons, opening for The National and Mates of State
4. Take over Ben Domenech's blog for the Washington Post
3. Three-episode stint on "The Sopranos" as Johnny Sack's new consigliere, Joey "The Wop" Pescatelli
2. Go work for Nancy Pelosi's office, just to fuck with everyone's head
1. Falling back on his other regular gig, hitter for the yakuza