John McCain: A Friend to the Douchebag

I don't ever want to hear anything again about John McCain being the good, reasonable voice of sanity in the Republican Party. Sure, he has done a few things right. That whole "fighting in Vietnam and then being tortured" thing for one. And the anti-torture bill he's introduced recently into Congress, that was very useful in shaming this President and revealing his lies on this issue to the rest of the country.

But, I mean, come on! Look at this picture! McCain's as big a dirtbag as the rest of them:



What's with that face Santorum's making? It looks like McCain's giving him the ol' UFIA. If you know what I mean. (Click on UFIA if you don't...)

And while we're already on the subject of the photo, come on, let's be honest...No honorable, forthright individual has jowls looking like McCain's. He's developing a clear case of TKJ (or Ted Kennedy Jowls), and I think immediate surgery may be required. I mean, just look at the guy...It looks like he's holding enough acorns to last him the winter in there...

And as if those jowls weren't enough to mistrust the guy, he's endorsing Ricky "Doggy Style" Santorum, one of the most backwards-ass, villainous, ridiculous caricatures in all of the U.S. Senate, and the winner of Crushed by Inertia's First-Ever Worst Person Alive Awards.

An Award that wasn't at all ripped off by Keith Olbermann when he awarded Braffy personality and all-around CBI target John Gibson the "Worst Person of the Day" Award recently!

(No, I'm just kidding. I like Olbermann's show a lot, and he's been doing Worst Person of the Day since August...And John Gibson's response to Olbermann is Classic Gibson - trying desperately to be funny despite having no sense of humor, nearly begging the reader for sympathy, failing to make even a minor, unconvincing argument.)

Another guy on television somewhere called me the worst person in the world. I tried to imagine how that could be possible, like maybe the guy is seeing my hair on the real worst people. You never know. Maybe this explains why he could say such a thing.

What is he talking about? This is from his column, not on the air. He had time to proofread this.

Anyway, back to McCain. This is exactly the problem I was complaining about months ago, when my friend Cory accused me of calling all Republicans scumbags. If these guys continue to insist on supporting this president, his staff and cohorts and his failed war in Iraq, then they are all scumbags. It's not my fault every single member of the Grand Old Party, down to a man, is full of shit.

It goes both ways - I think Democrats who support this war and this president are also scumbags. Mr. Joementum has been done such a wonderful job of backing Bush that the voters in his homestate are busy prepping some other guy - any other guy - to take over his job. Even HilRod, the woman I was 100% sure would be the Democratic candidate in '08, has totally lost me with her continually pro-war attitude. If I had ever considered voting for her in the past, I know I wouldn't now. (Unless, of course, it was her vs. some other, even more loathsome conservative scumbag).

So, I'm just saying, no matter what rah-rah McCain is great fluff you read in the next few years...just remember...He fought hard to keep Ricky Santorum, among the least tolerant and most ignorant of all Senators, in his job. Let's not conveniently forget that fact.