Trans-Fat Beatz

Not really that much to say about this, I just felt the need to put it out there for my readers to see. This Wendy's training video from 1989 is the EXACT reason the Internet was invented. Think about it...In some dark corner of some UCLA lab, when engineers and programmers were constructing the crude inter-computer infrastructure that we today think of as the Internet, they must have known one day their invention would allow people to watch amusing corporate training films from the comfort of their own bedrooms.

Anyway, this video...well, it has to be seen to be believed. I read a description of the thing on Sadly, No!, but that did not prepare me for the madness Wendy's had in store. The video features a traditional 80's rapper informing you, in rhyme, how to grill a burger. Then, some animated burgers, wearing lipstick, warn you that they'll start shrinking once the cooking process commences.

"We start a-shrinking
When we hit that grill, you know we will..."

This video is also notable in that it's the first corporate video I've ever seen to blatantly insult the company's new employees. Consider the trainee being tutored by Wannabe Young MC...he's an extremely confused, nerdy guy. He's clearly baffled by the concept of grilling meat. His expression almost seems to indicate that he didn't intend to start working at Wendy's. Like he's just been grabbed at random off a busy intersection and thrust into a studio, where a rapper started yelling at him about pressing down all four corners to cook the patty evenly.

What's also curious is how disgusting the video makes the burgers look. In promotional material for Wendy's, they're always careful to make everything look immaculately clean and to make the food products look larger-than-life and cooked-to-perfection. In this video, the burgers are oddly-colored, and become intensely greasy during the cooking process. Also, the rapper insists that the ideal color for the final product is "gray," surely the least appetizing of all food-related colors.

Can you imagine if Wendy's took this approach with their customer-aimed public relations? "Wendy's: The Graaaaaaaaaaaay Burger" "Wendy's: Where the Only Thing Fatter Than the Customers Are the Beatz"

Feel free to make up your own...