Hollywood Freaks: A Tragedy in Four Parts

FIRST, here is acclaimed novelist Nicole Ritchie joking about flashing the cameras on the red carpet...while her boob is showing. Ba-zing! Please note, I'm linking to it because of the hilarious juxtaposition of joking about showing off her boob while accidentally showing her boob. Not because you get to see Nicole Ritchie's boob, a prospect that's neither titilating nor rare.

SECOND, here is a still from the new Basic Instinct sequel, which will not feature Michael Douglas nor director Paul Verhoeven nor an exasperated, sweaty Wayne Knight. The only other reason to watch the original film was the Sharon Stone beaver shot.



So, it seems like they're hinting that the sequel has more of the same in store in the Sharon Stone Sexuality Department. This will either go really well or really poorly. Well if she still looks great in the movie. It could be a Demi Moore in Charlie's Angels 2 kind of thing, where everyone talks about her and how great she looks for long enough to land her a flavor-of-the-month young boytoy, before forgetting she exists again.

Or this could be a campy delight, the over-the-hill actress taking one last shot at her youthful glory. Cause the fact is, Sharon wasn't exactly a spring chicken when making the original Basic Instinct, and that was a looooooong time ago. So long ago that, when it came out, my parents forbade me from seeing it, and they actually still had that kind of authority. (I saw it anyway at a friend's house, and thought it was pretty awesome, particularly the icepick-through-the-eyeball shot and the fact that it featured visible female sex organs).

THIRD, apparently, Meg Ryan will adopt a Chinese baby.

[And now, a moment with Shecky Winnebago, The Hacky Comedian]

You know the problem with adopting Chinese babies...you just want to raise another foreign child an hour later. But seriously...did anyone tell Angelina Jolie there was another Third World baby up for grabs? She collects those things like Liberace with the faberge eggs, folks. Liberace...Faberge eggs...Try to keep up.

Not, but seirously, this is one lucky Chinababy. Not only does he get to live the sweet life with a famous, rich new mom in America, but he just missed out on having Russell Crowe as a step-dad. By only a few years. Can you imagine having to show a bad report card to that guy? When he's tied on a few and just finished making a boxing picture? You'd have to make sure there weren't any loose phones lying around.

I'm just saying, I hope the adoption turns out well. Let's just hope she doesn't immediately regret this little fling with the Chinese baby and go back to Tom Hanks, the only man she ever really loved in the first place. She can be like that sometimes...

[This has been a moment with Shecky Winnebago, The Hacky Comedian]

FOURTH, what the hell is happened to Pam Anderson? I was never her biggest fan, but check out these pictures from some sort of Vegetarian gathering the other night:



GAK! She looks positively monstrous in this shot. Like Divine from those old John Waters movies. I guess that's hepatitis for you...