Paris Hilton Watch

If you're like me, you wake up in the morning with the burning desire to know what Paris Hilton is up to. That's why, each and every morning, I check out Paris Hilton Watch online. It keeps me posted on what Paris is doing that day, whether it's picking out a new Louis Vuitton handbag for her chihuahua Tinkerbell or making out with some scuzzy producer at the Chateau Marmont.

Here's the site's Mission Statement:

Paris Hilton Watch is a web log giving mostly daily updates on the universe that is Paris Hilton with info written by a loser who a) would like to bone Paris and b) is both fascinated and appalled with this human headline.

I'm so ashamed. I wanted to spell Louis Vuitton right above, so I don't look like the completely non-couture goober that I am, so I had to check for the spelling online. But failing to even know where to begin, I simply typed in "Paris Hilton" and "handbag" into Google.

If my computer is ever investigated by the FBI, and they go through and find every search I've ever done on the Internet, that's going to come up, and they'll think I'm totally interested in Paris Hilton's handbags. Now, who's the loser?

And it's still not nearly as interesting to check up on as the Artie Lange Death Watch.