I will once again be covering all the Super Bowl Sunday action for Mahalo.com tomorrow. Here's JUST A SAMPLE of the awesome pages we've already built to take you inside the athletics-junk-food-and-mindless-consumerism action!
Impressed? Of course you are. I have some even more impressive information, though! I have totally managed to avoid any and all news about this year's football season or Super Bowl game. That's right...I could not even tell you who's playing. For real! I think the game itself is in Tampa, but I literally have no idea who will be featured on the field. I know the Eagles DIDN'T make it, because of my disappointed family members.
But who did? I'll just have to figure it out when I start covering the event. (Don't worry, sports fans, we'll leave the coverage of the actual game to more dedicated professionals. I'm just taking on Commercial Duty.)
Lots of people are picking up on the fact that Obama purposefully name-checked "non-believers" while listing the Religions of America during his inauguration speech:
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus–and non-believers."
It's nice to be included, and I'm glad Obama's not a Bush-style troglodyte who rejects the notion out of hand that atheists are part of the American fabric. (You'll recall that it was George HW Bush who, allegedly, does not think atheists should be considered citizens or patriots. I use 'allegedly' here because Bush has always denied making this comment, though it appeared in a newspaper which has never retracted the article, so he probably did.)
But I can't really get all that excited about having my non-adherence to a religion acknowledged by the president this way. OF COURSE I'm allowed to believe or not believe whatever the hell I want. OF COURSE I can be an American citizen and not be religious. It's completely asinine to believe anything else. Obama doesn't need to say it to me. I'd rather he not have to talk about religion at all.
I feel like only someone deeply insecure needs the President to tell them they're okay all the time. It's Obama's job to run the government, not to listen to a list of things I think and then pat me on the head and tell me I'm smart. So many Americans demand this kind of hand-holding...It's just desperation for approval.
If he had just said:
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus..."
and left it at that, he'd still technically be correct. There are many people from all of those faiths in this country. That statement is not exclusive. He's merely describing some different religious groups in America, not listing all of them, or the degrees to which you can or can not adhere to them. Sikhs are not hurt that they didn't come up. (I'm not sure, actually? Are they? If so, they should get the fuck over themselves.)
Here's the point...I think people are too sensitive about religion, and that includes people who do not follow any religion at all. I'm not religious because I don't care about it. I think it's kind of interesting, actually, and have probably read more about it than a lot of very religious Americans. But I don't care about it. That means I don't have to hear the president discuss whether or not my take on it fits in with the larger patchwork of his plans and ideas. I don't care about it.
Anyway, I appreciate the gesture. I'm sure, in part, what Obama and his speechwriters were doing was signaling, through language, their overall intention to be a more inclusive, tolerant administration. Which is great. I just think atheists make too much of these sorts of stupid gestures. Fight the real fights, where the separation of church and state matters - science classrooms, stem cell research divisions, and so forth. Nitpicking things like "In God We Trust" on the money and mentions in high-profile speeches just makes the non-believers seem shrill and arrogant.
Plus, I think there were more interesting aspects of the Inauguration on which to focus attention. Like that thing Aretha Franklin had on her head. What was that thing? It's stretching things to refer to it as a "hat."
"There are not many times in history," he said, "that a president has come to office with as many challenges as the president-elect does and that's incumbent then upon all of us to try and do all we can to work with him."
Appearing on Fox News for one of the few times since losing the election, McCain offered a supportive assessments of the president-elect's agenda. He acknowledged the need to pass a stimulus, but said he would reserve judgment until he saw the final package.
"All I can say to you is that I want to see the stimulus package I want to see what it does, I want to see what kind of provision it has in it," he told Neil Cavuto. "I think the president-elect is going to marshal public opinion. Right now his approval ratings and hopes of the American people are very high," he later added.
He also called Obama's national security team "excellent," and saved special praise for CIA Director nominee Leon Panetta.
"I think that Leon Panetta is highly qualified, and in all due respect I think it is not bad from time to time to have somebody from outside of the intelligence community but with strong managerial experience as Chief of Staff of the White House, to be head of one of these agencies. I think there is some good balance there."
McCain said he talked with Obama since the election about foreign policy and domestic matters. Calling those conversations "very cordial," he added, "I want to help the president succeed."
Until he cemented his decision to run for president in 2008, this is how John McCain always sounded. Not like a bold, decisive leader or anything...just a fairly rational guy. This is what made him appealing to independents and Democrats.
Cheney also said during an interview Thursday with The Associated Press that he has no qualms about the reliability of intelligence obtained from terrorism suspects through waterboarding, a technique simulating drowning. The vice president said waterboarding has been used with "great discrimination by people who know what they're doing" and produced much valuable information.
A candidate for the Republican National Committee chairmanship said Friday the CD he sent committee members for Christmas -- which included a song titled "Barack the Magic Negro" -- was clearly intended as a joke.
"I think most people recognize political satire when they see it," Tennessee Republican Chip Saltsman told CNN. "I think RNC members understand that."
When one of them starts making ANY SENSE AT ALL, it's a huge relief. And that, to me, was always the explanation for McCain's appeal. He's still behaving like a Republican, but I can listen to him speak for more than a minute without feeling like I've plunged into some kind of Carroll-esque alternate universe, with everyone speaking in silly puzzles.
I mean, you could replace Rudy Giuliani's stump speech with dialogue from Prince Caspian and it'd have about the same level of relevance to everyday life in as it is lived in America.
Bear in mind, I don't think this bodes well for John McCain's character or integrity. This means that he's clued in enough to know better. He might not really believe in all the insane things he said and did during his presidential run...but he said and did them anyway. That's how much he wants to be president. Enough to potentially leave us with President Palin. Enough to pander to bigots. Enough to blatantly lie about stupid nonsense just to win over a few more ignorant yokels.
At least you get the feeling Rudy's genuinely crazy, and perhaps even sinister, by nature. He doesn't know any better. He thinks constantly boasting about and exploiting 9/11 makes him a hero. Because he's a nutcase. McCain hoped to fake being a nutcase in order to profit by it. That's worse!
This is an annual tradition here at Crushed by Inertia - one of the few I've managed to keep up - and so even though I've been blogging less lately, I wasn't going to skip it. (Also stay tuned for my "Best Movies of the Year" list, which is currently being written. (I still have to see a few big, Oscar-buzzy end of the year films before it's finalized as well). I know I say this every year, but it feels like 2008 had a higher-than-average number of truly awful movies. Some really good ones, too, but...holy shitballs...I mean...wow...
MOVIES I DIDN'T SEE BUT THAT I'M SURE WERE HORRIBLE
The Love Guru
One of the least appealing trailers I have ever seen. I couldn't even watch this film just based on Myers' atrocious accent.
Bangkok Dangerous
I've seen the original Thai version of this (the American one is made by the same guys, the Pang Brothers), and it sucked. Now it sucks with Nicolas Cage, which likely makes for a deeper and more nuanced level of suck. But I think I can safely skip it anyway, unless it develops a Wicker Man-esque cult-like reputation for sucking so bad, in which case I'll have to check it out after all.
Vantage Point
I have completely lost all interest in these kinds of "race against the clock" thrillers. Seriously, they never add up to anything more than gimmicry. Has any movie in this genre - and I'm thinking of stuff like Nick of Time or Snake Eyes here - been good in decades? Seriously...decades...
Superhero Movie/Disaster Movie
STOP! Please, stop! I can't take even hearing about the existence of these any more. The parody movie is unfortunately dead. You have killed it. Let it rest in peace, you bastards.
Smart People
Oh my God, I'm so urbane and Caucasian...It's awful...Please listen to me whine about my chronic depression and my intimacy issues for two hours while I make informed cultural references...What if I bring Juno along? That do anything for you?
Meet Dave
Hey, it's "Herman's Head" meets Pluto Nash! Who wouldn't want to see that?
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Really? I need another entry in the Brendan Fraser Mummy series like I need another Fast and the Furious sequel. Wait, really? They're doing another one of...with Vin Diesel and Paul Walker again...Are you fucking serious? Ugh.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Yeah, I just don't care any more. I even liked Revenge of the Sith, too. But it's just overkill now. Congratulations, LucasFilm. In the course of one year, you made me bored with both Star Wars and Indiana Jones. Fortunately, you've got so many other great properties to work with...I'm anxiously awaiting the big Radioland Murders follow-up.
Righteous Kill
It has been so long since either of them were relevant, it's hard for me to even remember being excited about the prospect of Al Pacino and Robert De Niro sharing the screen. Now, it just invites grim mathematics...if two guys whose films are routinely awful star in a film together, with their awfulness cancel one another out, or make the film doubly awful? My bet was the latter.
The Duchess
I can't take one fucking more pouty-yet-defiant Keira Knightley bland-fest. It's just not in me. I'm done.
An American Carol
I watched the Ben Stein documentary. Isn't that enough? I'm not sure I can handle Kelsey Grammar as General Patton, okay? I'm delicate.
Seven Pounds
Will Smith's annual venture into treacly earnestness never interests me. This movie looks so earnest, I hear they digitally added Jim Varney into a couple of scenes, just for the sake of consistency.
You Don't Mess With the Zohan
This was a recommendation from @britsilverstein on Twitter. Adam Sandler making a bad comedy based solely around a wacky accent and a wig is pretty much an annual event any more. He's on a rather amazing streak, really: It's almost impressive (almost!) how steadily drab and uninspired his films have been for more than a decade now. (What was the last one that actually worked as a film at all? Wedding Singer? That was 1998!
And now...
THE 10 WORST FILMS OF 2008
10. Rambo
Okay, the film is complete nonsense that takes itself very seriously. Fine. I could deal with that. But it also feels the need to realistically recreate in the most fetishized, off-putting, gruesome manner possible, acts of deplorable violence against innocent men, women and even children. I'm not a prude when it comes to movie violence BY ANY MEANS. I've even defended Hostel on this blog. But there is a huge difference between cartoonish movie violence, designed to elicit chills or even laughs, and brutal recreations of genuine international conflicts. Do we really need to see wave after desensitizing wave of villagers cut down in vividly gory detail to recognize that Sylvester Stallone's character is heroic?
From my original review:
Once we arrive in Burma, the movie is essentially a carnage promo reel. Think "Satan's Screen Saver." The Burmese army enters villages, rapes women and children, and generally just turns every living thing into CG-enhanced red goo, much of which is splattered directly into the camera. Then we get some scenes of Rambo laying waste to the bad guys, and then the film's over.
9. Jumper
It's hard to even write anything about this movie, because I remembered so little about it 10 minutes after it's over. The narrative is garbled, clunky and confusing - I suppose you could follow it if you were really determined, but who would want to actually devote the energy? Something about a war between Samuel L. Jackson and other actors who don't yell quite as loudly as Samuel L. Jackson.
I will say that I distinctly recall hating the film's protagonist, a man who can teleport at will and uses it to non-creative ends like robbing banks and impressing ladies. I suppose it's somewhat realistic that a young guy would use these powers in that fashion, but that doesn't mean I'm going to root for him when a bad guy wants to put an end to his journey of greedy, perverted self-discovery. Doug Liman once made good, or at least watchable, movies. Now he turns in woeful turds like Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Jumper. Did we anger him somehow? How can I make this right?
8. Get Smart
The wit of the original TV series "Get Smart" never once surfaces in this wretched, embarrassingly-unfunny homage, which is a shame, because Steve Carrell could have worked as Maxwell Smart in an actual adaptation.
I'm not sure anyone who was involved in making this film has ever seen the series "Get Smart." Neither the characters nor situations in this film not resemble their original counterparts in any way, and they don't even make any sense and behave inconsistently from one scene to the next.
Does The Chief like and respect Agent 86, or does he think he's an idiot? What about Agent 99? I'm not even sure if Max is supposed to be smart or dumb in this version. The movie hasn't even figured that out! He's sort of like Ace Ventura - brilliant in one moment, then talking with his butt the next. I didn't think that character worked too well either, but at least Jim Carrey was completely unleashed to do his thing in every moment of every scene, squeezing out all the laughs he could from a murky, uninteresting premise. Here, Carrell's given a bunch of lame, unfunny dialogue and a stupid spy plot to navigate and never gets to open up and have any fun with it at all.
What results is a 90 minute comedy without a single actual funny joke. Pathetic.
7. The Ruins
I swear to Christ, the plot of The Ruins involves a bunch of teens on an outdoor adventure that get chased to the top of a temple and then are not allowed to move around or leave! Seriously, THAT sounds like a fun romp. I mean, maybe as a set-up for a STAGE PLAY, that could work. But as a movie? It's like "Samuel Beckett's Existential House of Horrors."
Possible tagline: "A nightmare may be just around the next corner...too bad you're stuck on that stupid sound-stage looking Aztec-like ruin, fuckstick."
I'll also add that this is the latest in a spate of recent horror films that confuse "scary scenes" with "scenes showing people in excruciating pain." Now, sometimes a scene that is scary also happens to feature an individual that's in excruciating pain. But JUST because you're showing someone who's hurt real bad doesn't necessary mean that the scene is going to be exciting, frightening, or spine-tingling for the audience. Just maybe difficult to watch, if anyone's sensitive to that sort of thing. I'm not sure why this is so confusing for this new upcoming generation of horror movie directors, but here we are.
6. Teeth
Watching Teeth, I got the impression that writer/director Mitchell Lichtenstein read about the archetypal concept of "vagina dentata" (or "toothed vagina") somewhere, laughed for 20 days or so, and then wrote this "movie" in a weekend. The thing is, if you've matured to a point where the mere concepts of penises and vaginas no longer make you howl with laughter, you're probably a bit too grown-up for this movie. Which means the ideal audience for the film's humor is too young to actually get to see the film, which includes a few close-ups of its favorite organs and is therefore inappropriate by the contemporary standards of American parents.
A movie about a girl whose vagina bites off weiners could potentially be clever, I guess, though I'm tempted to say that 99% of the time, it would quickly devolve into sophomoric, Troma-esque "gross out" schlock or camp, as it does here within 10 minutes. Even worse than the fact that he's just retelling the same dick and pussy joke for the length of a feature, though, Lichtenstein actually thinks he has something to say about sexually repressed religion-obsessed Middle Americans or something. He doesn't.
5. Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed
Yes, I actually watched it. (Hey, it's streaming free on Netflix). Suffice it to say, Ben Stein should stick to hosting game shows and eye drop ads. His anti-evolution screed (let's not mince words, "Intelligent Design" as a theory and this movie as a propaganda item are nothing more than rejections of evolutionary theory) is both offensively and bafflingly stupid. There is a difference.
Insultingly stupid is when someone says something stupid that you secretly think he or she doesn't really believe, just to see if they can make YOU believe it. For example, when Ben Stein implies that the theory of evolution is responsible for the Nazis.
Bafflingly stupid is when someone says something stupid that you think he or she really does believe, and you're stunned that anyone could possibly hold this position. For example, every other scene in this movie.
Stein's constantly trying to make the case that his viewpoint has been PURPOSEFULLY LEFT OUT of school curricula across the nation, as if this is somehow rare and his beliefs have been singled out. He's of course never able to reasonably make his case in this film, because it's dumb. Most things that could possibly be taught in schools aren't actually taught there, because of time constraints or a lack of consensus or a million other factors, not because of deep-seated prejudice towards them or those that believe them. So Stein just kind of hopes you won't notice this glaring hole in his argument and never addresses the issue of just why we should give his particular viewpoint more credence than any of the other hundreds of thousands of personal philosophies on the origin and nature of the universe that Americans might hold.
4. The Women
The opening titles of The Women credit the screenplay to Diane English, a human person, but this can't be right, because none of its characters have any genuinely human qualities, or behave the way real people would. It's like watching Russian spies try to recreate "Sex and the City" using sophisticated robots.
Like "Sex and the City," we have a diverse cast of four well-off ladies who are good friends. Only these women don't share any chemistry, or really anything in common, and the film can't be bothered to establish their friendship before the "plot" kicks in anyway. "They like each other," the movie seems to say. "Just go with it."
Actually, now that I think about it, the film can't really be bothered to establish anything about anyone in it, and that's why it's impossible to care what happens to them. English just relies on tired dog whistles and lazy sitcom shorthand - the home-wrecking floozy loves perfume and expensive clothes, the busy career-woman is always on her cell-phone, the brilliant writer is a troubled lesbian...Blurgh.
Also, I hate to say this, but Meg Ryan's horrible plastic surgery is making it hard for me to buy her in any movie roles any more. She's made it so she can really only play "over-the-hill actress who got a lot of unfortunate work done" believably any more.
3. The Happening
M. Night Shyamalan went from being one of the most promising up-and-coming American filmmakers to a national joke REALLY fast. It's bewildering. I don't think his downward slide is going to stop until he just stops getting money to make movies. Considering his level of name recognition, I'm doubting that will happen any time soon, which is really too bad for all of us.
I can't really recap his latest bit of mawkish, self-aggrandizing claptrap any better than I did in my original review:
Not only does The Happening lack any kind of tangible antagonist or enemy, it lacks any kind of conflict whatsoever. There are two types of scenes - scenes in which Wahlberg finds out something about the "happening" second-hand and scenes in which Wahlberg watches people in the middle distance kill themselves in increasingly laughable ways. You may notice, neither of those scenes involves any kind of conflict.
The most compelling bit of dialogue in the entire film is played between Wahlberg and a potted plant...At a random point, the film just ends, without purpose or explanation or any kind of pay-off or showdown or denouement whatsoever. The last scene is meant to be chilling, but it's so obvious what's coming and so silly by that point that it actually plays like a joke. And that first credit - "A Film By M. Night Shyamalan" - is the punchline.
2. Speed Racer
I think we can all agree that something can be an innovation without necessary moving things in a positive direction. Many people I've spoken with want to give Speed Racer a pass because it is trying to do something new with computer-generated imagery in films, to take a live-action movie and meld it with an animator's sense of color, pacing and motion.
I will happily grant that I have never seen another film that felt or looked like Speed Racer. But that's a good thing, because this is the cinematic equivalent of eating a tub full of cotton candy and then riding the Tilt-A-Whirl until it becomes up a regurgitated pink mass in the center of your favorite shirt. I've never seen a movie animated exclusively with human feces either, but that doesn't mean I want the Wachowskis to give it a shot...just to see if they can...
That this ugly mess is 2.5 hours long makes me think the Larry and Andy may have been in league with Donald Rumsfeld and John Yoo. They couldn't have intended this for use on American audiences, could they? It makes the Matrix sequels look sparse and unassuming.
1. The Spirit
I thought FOR SURE when I beheld the grotesquerie that is Speed Racer that it would be my pick for Worst Film of 2008. I was POSITIVE. 100%, not a doubt in my mind, that I'd hate it more than any other film this year. I found it physically painful.
But, no, Frank Miller's attempt to reinvent the Will Eisner comic The Spirit outdoes it, and at a far more efficient 90 minutes to boot. This movie hits every single "bad movie" note RESOUNDINGLY:
- It makes absolutely no sense and displays shockingly little narrative continuity - It is hugely, massively shrill and irritating - Ceaselessly gimmicky, the movie never stops dicking around to even attempt something mundane like storytelling - The dialogue is atrocious - The performances are excruciatingly broad
Miller's amateurish writing and direction here is actually kind of shocking. The story's so incomprehensible, he constantly has the Spirit explaining the plot directly to the viewer, either in voice-over or actually by TALKING TO HIMSELF in the middle of a scene. Looney Tunes-style sound effects and not just impossible, but impossibly silly, physics spoil all of the action and fight scenes. The comedy falls ENTIRELY flat, and suffers from both an intensely juvenile sensibility along with poor timing and a tendency to make references that no one besides a hardcore comic book dork would appreciate. Many of the scenes resort to having Samuel L. Jackson yell random phrases ("egg on my face!!!!!!!!") while mugging for the camera.
And as for the visuals, it looks like a poorly-shot Sin City with really bad production values. Check out the make-up and costumes:
What the fuck is that? That supposed to be funny?
The Spirit is a complete disaster. The whole time I was watching it, I tried to imagine the level of dread and panic that must have set in among executives when they started seeing the first dailies. I don't think there's a single minute of footage you could take from out of this nightmare to even simulate the existence of a decent movie.
Okay, usual disclaimers: These are just my favorites, and in no way definitive. There's lots of good stuff this year that I haven't heard (and some that I'm still getting into, like Elbow's The Seldom Seen Kid and the new Blitzen Trapper). Blah blah blah, you see where I'm going with this.
Also, be sure to check out Jonathan's list at Country Caravan. It is far longer, more insightful and better-written than mine, and he clearly listened to more new music this year.
Now on to the lists, with less commentary, cause I don't really know what I'm talking about.
FAVORITE ALBUMS
13. Deerhunter, "Microcastle"
This song is called "Agoraphobia." It's the track that really sold me on the album, which definitely took me a few listens to fully appreciate. The entire second bonus disc is good enough to stand alone, making this really one half of the year's best double-album.
12. Los Campesinos!, "Hold On Now Youngster"
The song is "You! Me! Dancing!" Really fun, energetic, upbeat music. There's too little like that in my personal collection.
11. Lil Wayne, "Tha Carter III"
This track is "Lollipop," chosen because it gives the best insight into the album's sound of any of the singles. But my favorite song, "Mr. Carter," didn't get a video. Shame.
10. Wolf Parade, "At Mount Zoomer"
It seems like there was a lot less hoopla/interest/hype for this year's Wolf Parade album compared to Apologies to Queen Mary, but it wasn't due to a dramatic dip in quality, near as I can tell. These guys also put on one of the best live shows I saw in 2008 (the other being the band coming in at #1).
9. Vampire Weekend, "Vampire Weekend"
Serious blowback to this collection, and I can't figure out why. It's incredibly likeable. I'm sure it's very difficult for a bunch of American kids to tackle an African sound without coming off as pretentious or silly. (Okay, this LP IS a little silly, but in a good way.)
8. Fleet Foxes, "Fleet Foxes"
I got into these guys after seeing the video below, an episode of the awesome "Takeaway Show." I figured the songs would sound very different on the album than they do in this setting, but it's not really so. Such a simple, throwback folk sound. It's not at all difficult for me to understand the appeal of Fleet Foxes to a public tired of over-produced, cheesy pop songs and grinding, unimaginative nu-metal.
7. Department of Eagles, "In Ear Park"
An acoustic version of "No One Does It Like You" is embedded below. This was the Song of the Year for me. Not necessarily because it was the Best Song, but because I couldn't get it out of my head from the first time I heard it, this fall. Still can't, really.
6. My Morning Jacket, "Evil Urges"
I really, viscerally disliked "Highly Suspicious," the first song I heard from "Evil Urges," for at least a month. It sounded shrill and screechy and utterly unlike the My Morning Jacket I loved and remembered. Then, something finally clicked, and now when I listen to the whole album, I can't even hear the thing that once bothered me any more. Weird. Anyway, it sounds different at first, but "Evil Urges" boasts the same fantastic songwriting that has marked every MMJ album since "At Dawn." Simply one of the best American bands of the moment. Embedded below is "Touch Me I'm Going to Scream Part 2," though if you asked me, they're clinically insane not releasing "I'm Amazed" as a radio single.
5. Beck, "Modern Guilt"
Beck's best since Midnite Vultures. He hasn't made an album this consistently engaging, interesting and diverse since his heydey. "Gamma Ray," embedded below, and "Walls" are my favorite tracks.
4. No Age, "Nouns"
These's a kind of sound that I've just always liked in my rock music, ever since I first started listening to the stuff in the early-to-mid '90s. It's kind of a fuzzy, lo-fi, thick, hazy guitar sound, of the kind you'd hear on Dinosaur Jr. albums. No Age captures this sound perfectly. It's so rich and busy, I'm constantly surprised these songs are performed by only two people. Here's "Teen Creeps." I also think "Things I Did When I Was Dead" is awe-inspiring, though.
3. Cut Copy, "In Ghost Colours"
I mean, just listen to it. Pure ear candy. This was the year's most infectious collection of songs. Below is the single, "Lights and Music," but just about every song on the album is this good.
2. The Walkmen, "You and Me"
This track is called "Four Provinces" on the album, but is here titled "Hey, Leah." I love this live performance, but my favorite track on the album is probably the haunting "On the Water," which will always remind me of 2008.
1. TV on the Radio, "Dear Science"
I think these guys are the only band which has produced by Favorite Album of the Year twice since I started keeping track of such things. (Radiohead, maybe? OK Computer and Kid A? It's possible.) Dear Science is their best work yet, which is pretty staggering considering how much I like their older music. A unique, layered even, dare I say, whimsical record. This is my favorite song, "Golden Age":
FAVORITE EP's
Eagle Seagull, "I Hate EPs!"
Fleet Foxes, "Sun Giant"
Professor Murder, "Professor Murder On a Desert Island"
FAVORITE SONGS NOT FEATURED ON FAVORITE ALBUMS
These are in no particular order.
"Waving Flags," British Sea Power from Do You Like Rock Music? "White Shoes," City Center
"Gotta Cheer Up," Cotton Jones from the unreleased Paranoid Cocoon
"Sex On Fire," Kings of Leon from Only By the Night "With a Heavy Heart, I Regret to Inform You," Does It Offend You, Yeah? from You Have No Idea What You're Getting Yourself Into "Airplanes," Local Natives "Mister Jung Stuffed," Man Man from Rabbit Habits "Electric Feel," MGMT from Oracular Spectacular (below is the amazing Justice remix)
"Share the Night," The Clientele from That Night, a Forest Grew "Ready for the Floor," Hot Chip from Made in the Dark "Regarde," Monade from Monstre Cosmic
"Think I Wanna Die," Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin from Pershing "Tell the World," Vivian Girls from Vivian Girls "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea," The Chairs from November EP
"Honor Amongst Thieves," These United States from Crimes "Quarantined," Atlas Sound from Let the Blind Lead Those Who Can See But Cannot Feel
"Echoplex," Nine Inch Nails from The Slip "Demon Apple," Tapes N Tapes from Walk it Off
Sam Mendes returns to the same subject matter as his Oscar-winning American Beauty in this adaptation of the 1961 Richard Yates novel: well-off white suburban angst. The genders are reversed, but otherwise, the situations in the two films are remarkably similar. One member of a couple living a superficially idyllic suburban life gets restless and can no longer stand the dull routine of conforming and consuming, leading the other member to seek a return to steady, quotidian equilibrium.
Kevin Spacey's vague ennui is a bit easier to tolerate in Beauty (a film, I admit, I loved at the time of its release, but which has lost some of its allure in the ensuing years) because the character and the film are funny (composed, as they were, by former sitcom writer Alan Ball). In Road, Kate Winslet's April Wheeler is so severe, so deadly serious at all times, it's sometimes hard to understand her desire to break free of the mundane at all.
It's not that Winslet gives a bad performance. Quite the contrary.
As scripted by Justin Haythe (I have not read Yates' novel), April could have been an extremely unsympathetic heroine. Her behavior is erratic, her moods shift wildly, and she makes some difficult choices. Winslet succeeds in bringing out April's essential decency, and this makes her plight far more deeply felt and meaningful. A character that could have come off as almost maniacal is instead pitiable, a woman who knows exactly the thing that could make her happy - escape - and who comes perilously close to getting it before seeing her dream strangled.
I think the problem, with both Road and, to some extent, American Beauty, is that both films fail to really capture exactly what it is about the suburbs that make their respective protagonists SO insane. Like, yes, these communities seem boring, and filled with phonies, and senselessly focused on "outdoing the neighbors" with impulsive purchasing. Like many Americans who live in rural or urban neighborhoods, many of these characters are trapped in increasingly bitter, sexually frustrating marriages.
But we're not talking garden variety disillusionment, or even depression, here. Revolutionary Road, in many ways, is a film about a woman driven to a nervous breakdown by the pressures of suburban life. Yet the film BEGINS with her already feeling intense distaste for her situation. We never get a chance to understand what has pushed her to this point. It makes Mendes' films on this subject, on some level, rather superficial. It's easy to just axiomatically insist that the suburbs are a certain way, but it's much more difficult, and satisfying dramatically, to actually render them this way.
As April's husband, Frank, Leonardo DiCaprio does his usual professional job, but this isn't one of those roles with which he really connects. DiCaprio's never bad, but he only really gets to disappear into a role every rare once in a while.
As with every Mendes film, Revolutionary Road looks great. (Naturally, as it's shot by Roger Deakins). The era of the early '60s is brought vibrantly to life, particularly in scenes depicting Frank's daily commute to work in the city. The movie turns imagery that's often fetishized, played as charming and desirable, in old films - seas of men in suits and hats pouring through city streets and rail cars - into a sinister landscape of existential terror. As we watch, Frank genuinely disappears into a faceless mob. I do think, as I've kind of made clear at this point, Mendes hews a bit too close to the style he already explored in American Beauty. Some moments in this new film, despite the difference in era, seem damn near interchangeable, particularly a series of sequences in which emotionally fragile husbands look out over their neighbor's property with a sense of quiet yearning while tinkling piano plays in the background.
[I should note here that one thing that likewise hurts Revolutionary Road is that it's very similar to the best show currently on television, "Mad Men," in both aesthetic and content. Frank and April's dilemma is still somewhat provocative and compelling to watch, but they're no Don and Betty Draper. A random episode of "Mad Men's" second season would likely be a more entertaining, complex depiction of a tense early '60s upwardly-mobile marital standoff than Revolutionary Road. The film would have felt a lot more essential, I suspect, if it had come first.]
I'm very pleased to introduce the newest feature on Mahalo, Mahalo Answers. We've been working on this quietly for a while now and it's exciting to get to share it finally with the world.
The basic concept is superficially similar to a few other services around the Web. Users can show up and ask questions or answer questions posed by other users. Then, a "best" answer is chosen that most directly provides the sought-after information.
Mahalo's bringing a few new concepts to the table. Perhaps most significantly, what we're calling "tips." If you want your question to get featured prominently, or if you want to ask something that may take a bit of time or expertise to properly answer, you can offer "Mahalo Dollars" for an answer. Collect 40 Mahalo Dollars (which would really be a matter of providing 4-8 really compelling answers) and you can turn them into actual money!
Of course, there are lots of other benefits to the system, too. Mahalo Answers interact with regular Mahalo pages. So if you're looking up Michael Jackson, and someone has already asked for a list of all his #1 singles on Answers, you'd see that information on the regular Mahalo page.
Perhaps my personal favorite upgrade that Mahalo Answers brings to these kinds of Q&A services are the embeddable videos. A thread like this one, about Steven Seagal's finest on-screen moments, just isn't possible on other Answers sites, and it's really compelling stuff, almost like a crowd-sourced blog list.
So I'd encourage everyone to get a Mahalo username and password (if they don't already have one) and check this system out. We're all pretty proud of it.
Oh, and of course I got the Best Answer on that Steven Seagal thread with this unimpeachable classic:
In honor of today, my 30th birthday, the media has give me the gift of Lois Feldman and Ross Walsh.
On November 22, 2008, Lois Feldman, a wife and mother of three, was caught having sex with Ross M. Walsh at the Metrodome in Minneapolis during a Minnesota vs. Iowa college football game. Feldman claimed she was so drunk on wine that she doesn't even remember the incident.
Oh, it gets better. Feldman and Walsh had never met one another before the game. And they were each there with other people...He with his girlfriend and she with her husband. Sweet.
Feldman said she’d never met Walsh.
“I don’t know who this man is,” she told the Register. “I just found out his name in the paper.”
I'm sorry, but...that's a whole lot of wine. I have maybe been drunk enough in my life to have sex with a stranger in a crowded stadium bathroom. (And I do mean maybe, because that's pretty drunk. I'd probably pass out before I could make that whole situation come to pass.) But from just wine? How much wine could this woman have had during this football game? Who is she, Friar Tuck? (And who drinks wine at a college football game anyway?) And while her husband is waiting for her back in their seats?
Finally, I'd point out that, as far as I know, the official definition of a "cougar" is a woman over 40. But Feldman is 38 and Walsh only 26...and I'd have to think something like this would qualify. Or we have to make an exception or something. If Lois Feldman isn't a cougar, the word has lost all meaning.
"McCain, who is proponent of campaign finance reform that weakened party organizations and basically put George Soros in the driver's seat," DeMint said. "His proposal for amnesty for illegals. His support of global warming, cap-and-trade programs that will put another burden on our economy. And of course, his embrace of the bailout right before the election was probably the nail in our coffin this last election. And he has been an opponent of drilling in ANWR, at a time when energy is so important. It really didn't fit the label, but he was our package."
So John McCain lost because he wasn't an insane enough conservative? He didn't talk about fucking drilling enough? Drilling had its own goddamn chant during the McCain campaign. You can't possibly talk about something any more than when you're chanting about it. That's the whole definition of a "chant." You just say the same thing over and over again.
I mean, has Jim DeMint been holed up in Dick Cheney's Top Secret Underground Lair and Social Club for the past 2 years? It's pretty tough to make the case that Americans were voting on George Soros and amnesty for illegal immigrants (a point which McCain had essentially conceded before the election even started). There are ample exit polls that show people were worried about the economy and the Iraq War. I didn't see a whole lot of checked boxes for "I liked his warmongering policy, but I disagreed with his 'don't shoot Mexicans on sight' policy. Oh, and fuck George Soros."
But, you know, maybe I missed those polls. Or South Carolina Senator Jim DeMint just doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. One of those.
John Hinderaker has crafted perhaps the silliest blog post of all time. Seriously. It would be almost impossible to top this.
But first, some back story. John Hinderaker blogs, along with two other guys, at Power Line, one of the most respected and influential right-wing blogs. They were 2004's Time Blog of the Year.
John once wrote this of George W. Bush:
A man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, he can't get anyone to notice. He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time, and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that, when not bored, is hostile. Hyperbolic? Well, maybe.
That used to have my vote for the craziest thing ever blogged. I remember when NBC had that "blog" online that was supposed to belong to Creed from "The Office," and that made way more sense than this Power Line post.
[George W.] Bush never gets sloppy when he is speaking publicly. He chooses his words with care and precision, which is why his style sometimes seems halting. In the eight years he has been President, it is remarkable how few gaffes or verbal blunders he has committed. If Obama doesn't raise his standards, he will exceed Bush's total before he is inaugurated.
The mind...boggles.
This is so wrong, it's the exact polar opposite of true. Sadly No!, similarly baffled by Hinderaker's astoundingly incorrect conclusion, has offered, as rebuttal, voluminous video evidence of George W. Bush's gaffes, inanities, blunders, malapropisms and general buffoonery. It demonstrates beyond any doubt both Bush's contempt for his audience and for the English language.
But it's not even necessary to go that far. No one expects George W. Bush to speak with care and precision, or indeed, to speak in complete sentences, without food in his mouth. His incoherence was a national joke 7 years ago. Now, we're all numb to it. When he's on TV, speaking to America about important issues of the day, not even small children take him seriously any more. And Americans are easy to fool. They think fucking Shia LaBeouf has gravitas.
Vociferously advocating the proposition that George W. Bush is eloquent, indeed that he should be offering eloquence lessons to Barack Obama, a man rhetorically gifted enough to become the first black president, against a Clinton, 4 years after first entering the national spotlight, is laughably ridiculous. I feel like, up until now, Power Line has all been a prank, and this is the moment Hinderaker's chosen to give the game away.
Wait a minute...you guys...you're not even really conservative, are you! What a bunch of rapscallions.
Oh...you're...you're serious.
Power Line makes me want to start an angry blog that stridently and vehemently argues for completely nonsensical propositions. Just for fun.
I am not much of a protest guy, mainly because it seems to me that money, legislative maneuvering and compromise tends to be what gets stuff done in America. As opposed to a bunch of committed, earnest people getting together and marching and yelling.
Not that such things can't be at all effective. Certainly, in years past, the idea of public protest had a significant impact on how Americans thought about issues like foreign wars and civil rights. To me, most of these mass public efforts, like walking the streets it protest, represent symbolic rather than pragmatic action. They are designed to allow people to be heard, which provides some level of satisfaction, and can educate other Americans long-term. But it's not about actually initiating significant change.
Pragmatic action was a Get Out the Vote effort for "No on Prop 8" in the weeks leading up to the election. This was actually quite effective; an enthusiastic private citizen, Robot Bill Clinton and Robot Magic Johnson all called me in the days before Nov. 4 urging me to vote No, as of course I eventually did. Unfortunately, though the vote was dramatically close, it was not quite effective enough to overcome the homophobia and bigotry of California's voters.
Walking the streets angrily after it has passed is purely symbolic action. I'm not saying it shouldn't be done, or that people who care about civil rights should give up. Everyone has the right to protest. Furthermore, I am optimistic that, because of the actions of concerned citizens, Prop 8 will eventually be overturned by the US Supreme Court. It is nakedly, unabashedly unconstitutional, in direct violation of both the spirit and the letter of our 14th Amendment.
I'm just not the marching type.
I was thinking about going anyway (in that way where you probably won't go but allow yourself to entertain the notion, semi-fancifully) to the big protest tonight in Los Angeles. Then I was sort of taken aback by one sentence in CauseCast's "invitation" to the event: The LGBT movement and its allies won same-sex marriage rights and only a militant movement will ultimately prevail.
I think perhaps the author meant "strident" when he or she wrote "militant." Surely CauseCast, a lovely and deeply committed group of people with whom I have the pleasure of sharing some office space, are not advocating any acts of violence in protest against Prop 8. This is exactly the sort of thing that would only hurt the movement they are trying to build. The Weathermen didn't exactly bring the Vietnam War to an end; they just made it that much easier for right-wing scumbags to portray the anti-war movement as a bunch of "crazy hippie terrorist" caricatures.
Pragmatism, people. To win this kind of battle, you need to get that big mushy middle of mainstream America on your side. It can obviously be done. (I don't know if you guys heard about this, but the new president is a black guy that wants to engage in actual diplomacy with our enemies and give kids health care.) A "militant" protest in the streets of Los Angeles is not exactly a phenomenal PR move at this juncture. Or pretty much any other juncture.
Americans surprised me today. I'll admit it...I didn't think the black guy would win. 8 years of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney turned me into a cynic. It's not that I think most Americans are racists, exactly...There was just this nagging feeling that the whole thing seemed a bit too good to be true. Electing a rational, intelligent, well-meaning individual whose identity and name themselves would go a long way towards repairing some of the horrific damage of the post-9/11 era? Nah, not modern America. They'd go for the angry old warmonger and his goofy, Jesus-loving sidekick.
But instead, my surprisingly sensible countrymen got together and actually picked the best guy for the job for once. Solid. I have no idea what kind of president Obama will be of course. But he's certainly set some lofty, ambitious goals, and he's given me no reason to think he will not be at least capable, and that's a lot more than I can say for his predecessor or opponent.
I mean, come on...The Republicans were insulting the country merely be nominating and supporting this ticket. Now that it's all over, can we all come together and agree that Sarah Palin, beyond all the scandals and gaffes and controversies, is just a really stupid, irritating asshole?
Why can't she just tell us she's voting for herself? Is it because she just reflexively lies and conceals everything, even things that aren't inappropriate or wrong? Is it because she didn't actually understand the ballot, and so can't be totally sure for whom she actually did vote? Or is she just an irritating asshole?
THAT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE, because she's done. For good. And no, I don't think we'll be seeing her again in 2012, because she's quite possibly most ludicrous, fringe candidate with the least ability to appeal to mainstream, moderate voters proposed by a major party in my lifetime. I mean, she makes scabies look popular. Walter Mondale won 13 TOTAL electoral college votes in 1984, and even he's got to be thinking, "Thank God I never shot at a wolf from a fucking helicopter. Things could have been much worse."
Pundits on CNN tonight were trying to pick the moment McCain really lost this election for himself, and they settled on the whole "quitting his campaign to focus on the bailout" debacle. I think that's way too late. It was choosing Sarah Palin and we all know it.
It's going to be very hard to even describe that moment in history to the next generation. "So, anyway, this insane idiot from some obscure, nigh unreachable outpost in the middle of BFE became Governor of BFE and pretended to do a few somewhat impressive things, like stop Americans form wasting money on a useless bridge. Only she didn't actually do any of those things. But she had done a lot of completely different, exceedingly ridiculous things, like using her position of power to settle family squabbles, taking a stipend from voters for nights that she spent at her own home, talking about witchcraft a lot, and maybe even giving keynote addresses to groups that want to break Alaska off from the United States. Oh, and she was always winking at you, a gesture that, combined with John McCain's compulsive repetition of the phrase 'my friends,' kind of made you feel like the Republican candidates for the presidency were trying to get into your pants."
It's exciting to elect Obama because of the person he is. We're making history in the best way possible, setting a new standard for what and who a president can be, and demonstrating to ourselves and the rest of the world that not everything about America is summed up by the George Bush Experience. This is also a pretty amazing place sometimes.
But maybe the best thing about the guy is what he's not. He's not some photogenic moron pretending to be smart, he's not some rich corporate asshole pretending to give a shit about everyday Americans, he's not an old man who has spent decades making connections, slowly calculating his rise to power. He hasn't arrived at his position through nepotism, groomed for higher office as part of some megalomaniacal aristocratic legacy. He didn't marry into wealth, success and, yes, politics. He's not a Clinton or a Bush.
He's an exceptionally bright man who succeeded on his wit and abilities, and has now done something that I and many other Americans thought impossible. He has become the next Democratic president, not to mention the first black president. It's about time, and I'm not even just talking about the race thing. It's about time we had another smart person in the White House, someone who's actually trying to make the country work, rather than implode.
I'm sure many of you vehemently disagree with his policies, and that's fine (though they're not socialism...read more...) But it's pretty hard to deny that his proposals are made in good faith, at least compared to the horseshit we've been asked to swallow under Bush-Cheney. Yes, he's trying to give more Americans free health care. Maybe you think poor people getting things is bad, because, um, then Joe the Plumber can't get that DVD Player he's been wanting for his truck. (The screen's inside the headrests!) But I should expect an Obama Administration won't spend its time making up new euphamisms for torturing people or fucking inventing new branches of the federal government. These are real (if occasionally vague) suggestions for ways to solve some of the problems Republican governance created from 2000 onward. Now let's see if any of them come to fruition. Or work.
I've spent the better part of this week getting ready for the big night tonight on Mahalo. We've made pages for every state's election results and exit polls. You can check them out here:
MTV Music is Hulu for music videos. How can you go wrong? This is actually a BETTER concept than showing videos on TV, because you get to watch them in any order you want. Bravo, Corporate Overlords.
Ezra Klein theorizes that the Obama camp may have had the concept for this add sitting around for months, just waiting for McCain to say "I'm not George Bush!" in a debate. As impressed as I've largely been with the Obama campaign's strategic maneuvers these past few months, I'm still not sure about that. They could have just got lucky and thrown this together. Wouldn't be that hard. Still, this may be the most effective anti-McCain ad I've seen:
This ad succinctly makes the best case for voting Obama-Biden. Honestly, health care plans and tax plans are all well and good. Amazingly, if Democrats take control of 2 branches of the government - as it seems they might - some of them may actually come to fruition, at least in part. But all the American people have really needed to hear is, I think:
(1) You know John McCain. He's been the guy you've seen on TV for the past 8 years telling you everything is going awesome. Meanwhile, everything's fucked. You want to keep going?
(2) Barack Obama is not a shifty, unreliable, foreign, Muslim terrorist-sympathizing America-hater who subsists entirely on lattes and his own inflated sense of self importance. Republicans have been making that case for a while, and I think actually seeing Obama on TV day-in day-out kind of kills this message - he's almost stridently level. I think there's a reason the Obama camp has tagged McCain with the word "erratic." It's the exact opposite description of their guy.
I mean, say what you will about the "Gore is a lying dullard" thing...It IS possible to portray him that way. It's certainly not the whole truth about him; he's actually kind of witty, and he likes "Futurama." But it's one side of his persona (the "dullard" stuff...the "liar" part was manufactured) that kind of tended to come out when he was talking about things he takes very seriously. Obama's nothing like how McCain describes him, and it blunts the attacks.
Now that Americans have been convinced of these two things, the tide is starting to turn. I just hope it's enough to push him over the top.
One more, somewhat connected point I want to make, vis-a-vis Election 2008...
If you over 18 and you don't vote, or you vote for a 3rd Party Candidate, or you write in some other person's name, or you vote for McCain-Palin, you're a jerk. There, I said it.
I've made this argument before, but I think it bears repeating, because I constantly hear people talking about their personal politics in terms of ideological purity. "I don't like either candidate...No one speaks for my views..." Like, exist only to assure them that they are the most rational and fair-minded of Americans. I'm not a PARTISAN. I make well-reasoned decisions that aren't swayed by emotionality or wanting to belong to a team.
Bullshit. Presidential politics are not about your purity or your personal morality or even ideology. It's pure pragmatism. There are two options and you are morally bound to choose the one that will do the overall least amount of harm to your fellow Americans, and even the other peoples of the world. I don't usually think it's that hard to figure out which way to go, but bear in mind that thus far in my voting life, the Republicans have offered me George W. Bush twice and now John McCain. Um, well played.
Look, it's fine if you want to be politically active in any way you so choose. But when it comes to your November 2008 vote, it comes down to two options and that's it. Crazy McPalin Sr. or Barack Obama. One of these two men WILL BE PRESIDENT. Joe Biden or Sarah Palin WILL BE VICE-PRESIDENT. I know you may not like either of them. I'm not a huge fan. They both piss me off. But only one of them has shown even the remotes signs of being a decent president. I might be disappointed, sure. But I won't be disappointed by President McCain...I know exactly what to expect. And I won't have time to be disappointed by President Palin, because we'll all be vaporized within 20 minutes of her taking office. Don't ask me how...I'm sure she'll think of something.
Let me once again stress that this is not so much about Barack Obama being super-swell, or about you feeling good about doing your civic duty. This is about not letting a war-loving lunatic and an insane asshole who loves forcing rape victims to give birth to their attacker's kids become the President. Or has 8 years of Republican rule been going really well for you, Mr. Fuld?
I guess, in some ways, I feel that my comic perspective is no longer needed when discussing the major events of the day. American life has surpassed my ability to parody it in this fashion. Better to focus my energies on making fun of YouTube, which is at this point a more dignified and grounded community than the American political scene.
However, that doesn't mean I can't tell you about music I've been listening to recently. So here we go:
The Walkmen, "Four Provinces"
I guess this song was called "Hey Leah" previously, but it's "Four Provinces" on the new Walkmen album, "You and I," which I am really enjoying presently. This video features the band playing the song acoustically while walking around San Francisco.
Kings of Leon, "Sex on Fire"
See, I know that writing and performing a song "Sex on Fire" that is entirely non-ironic is intensely cheesy. Here is a sample lyric:
Hot as a fever Rattling bones I can just taste it Taste it
If it's not forever If it's just tonight Oh we're still the greatest The greatest The greatest
This sounds so much like Bob Seger, it's actually kind of disturbing, like a pantless Tom Cruise might slide into your bedroom and minute and strap you to an e-meter.
Cut Copy, "Lights and Music"
My friend Nathan urgently suggested I start listening to Cut Copy, and he's typically right about such things. (His past passionate recommendations have included Man Man and Spoon, a track record that can only be described as "strong to quite strong."
And sure enough, he's on target again. These guys are extremely '80s, which I understand is popular with the kids these days, but the act isn't a gimmick. These guys write fantastic songs.
Ben Folds, Way to Normal
Hey, you know what's unconscionably awful? The new Ben Folds album! I used to really like Ben Folds Five, but recently, I've come to find his entire act/persona rather unbearable. "Way to Normal" is also heavy on the creepy misogyny, which was always kind of a part of the band's repertoire, but it used to be less direct and unpleasant.
So here's the question: Was Ben Folds always this obnoxious, and I just used to like obnoxious music? (Believe me, there's other evidence for this theorem.) Or is his new music increasingly obnoxious, worse than it used to be? Comments welcome.
Land of Talk, "Some Are Lakes"
I'm pretty sure the lead singer from Land of Talk is in Broken Social Scene, but there's too many people in that band. I can't keep them all straight. Anyway, the song is good - very moody and strange. It took me a few listens to get into, but now I find myself returning to it a bunch.
Please excuse my son, John McCain, from the presidential campaign this week, including the scheduled debate against Barack Obama on Friday. John is not feeling well, and is terribly worried about his good friends the Lehman Brothers, and just will not be able to make it on to the campaign trail.
John knows that there are lots of important things for him to do, and that he is already a bit behind this week. We considered asking his good friend Sarah to bring him all of his assignments, but she's not really up to it herself. (The poor dear.) He promises to try to make it back next week, as long as he feels better, and his doctor says it's okay.
Thank you very much for understanding, and please do feel free to call me if you think this makes John look weak and frightened.
