This Stoned Kid and I Are Done Professionally

Merry Christmas. Face.

I have a lovely singing voice. Suck it.

D'oh Draper

"The Simpsons" may be a shell of its former self, but every once in a while, they can still nail it:

The Best Video You Will See Today

My brother Jonathan doing stand-up comedy at the Unurban Coffee Shop in Santa Monica. Face.

Face

Ezra Klein theorizes that the Obama camp may have had the concept for this add sitting around for months, just waiting for McCain to say "I'm not George Bush!" in a debate. As impressed as I've largely been with the Obama campaign's strategic maneuvers these past few months, I'm still not sure about that. They could have just got lucky and thrown this together. Wouldn't be that hard. Still, this may be the most effective anti-McCain ad I've seen:



This ad succinctly makes the best case for voting Obama-Biden. Honestly, health care plans and tax plans are all well and good. Amazingly, if Democrats take control of 2 branches of the government - as it seems they might - some of them may actually come to fruition, at least in part. But all the American people have really needed to hear is, I think:

(1) You know John McCain. He's been the guy you've seen on TV for the past 8 years telling you everything is going awesome. Meanwhile, everything's fucked. You want to keep going?

(2) Barack Obama is not a shifty, unreliable, foreign, Muslim terrorist-sympathizing America-hater who subsists entirely on lattes and his own inflated sense of self importance. Republicans have been making that case for a while, and I think actually seeing Obama on TV day-in day-out kind of kills this message - he's almost stridently level. I think there's a reason the Obama camp has tagged McCain with the word "erratic." It's the exact opposite description of their guy.

I mean, say what you will about the "Gore is a lying dullard" thing...It IS possible to portray him that way. It's certainly not the whole truth about him; he's actually kind of witty, and he likes "Futurama." But it's one side of his persona (the "dullard" stuff...the "liar" part was manufactured) that kind of tended to come out when he was talking about things he takes very seriously. Obama's nothing like how McCain describes him, and it blunts the attacks.

Now that Americans have been convinced of these two things, the tide is starting to turn. I just hope it's enough to push him over the top.

One more, somewhat connected point I want to make, vis-a-vis Election 2008...

If you over 18 and you don't vote, or you vote for a 3rd Party Candidate, or you write in some other person's name, or you vote for McCain-Palin, you're a jerk. There, I said it.

I've made this argument before, but I think it bears repeating, because I constantly hear people talking about their personal politics in terms of ideological purity. "I don't like either candidate...No one speaks for my views..." Like, exist only to assure them that they are the most rational and fair-minded of Americans. I'm not a PARTISAN. I make well-reasoned decisions that aren't swayed by emotionality or wanting to belong to a team.

Bullshit. Presidential politics are not about your purity or your personal morality or even ideology. It's pure pragmatism. There are two options and you are morally bound to choose the one that will do the overall least amount of harm to your fellow Americans, and even the other peoples of the world. I don't usually think it's that hard to figure out which way to go, but bear in mind that thus far in my voting life, the Republicans have offered me George W. Bush twice and now John McCain. Um, well played.

Look, it's fine if you want to be politically active in any way you so choose. But when it comes to your November 2008 vote, it comes down to two options and that's it. Crazy McPalin Sr. or Barack Obama. One of these two men WILL BE PRESIDENT. Joe Biden or Sarah Palin WILL BE VICE-PRESIDENT. I know you may not like either of them. I'm not a huge fan. They both piss me off. But only one of them has shown even the remotes signs of being a decent president. I might be disappointed, sure. But I won't be disappointed by President McCain...I know exactly what to expect. And I won't have time to be disappointed by President Palin, because we'll all be vaporized within 20 minutes of her taking office. Don't ask me how...I'm sure she'll think of something.

Let me once again stress that this is not so much about Barack Obama being super-swell, or about you feeling good about doing your civic duty. This is about not letting a war-loving lunatic and an insane asshole who loves forcing rape victims to give birth to their attacker's kids become the President. Or has 8 years of Republican rule been going really well for you, Mr. Fuld?

I For One Welcome Our New Musical Robot Overlords

Via Jeff at I'm Only Sleeping, we learn that the evil super-intelligent robots' plan for world domination somehow involves climbing the YouTube "Most Discussed" charts. (What type of music does a robot band play, you may ask? I'm guessing math rock. One...two...three...try to keep up.)

David Lynch on Where Ideas Come From

The Atlantic has put up this terrific video interview with director David Lynch, in which he discusses the nature of creativity and how he develops his ideas for films and TV. Enjoy.


Lynch rejects some of the traditional ideas about creative inspiration, particularly that writers should try to "write what they know" and that artists must suffer for their art. He seems to feel that writing and creating is less about having an initial spark of inspiration and more about having the talent and discipline to collect numerous, stray thoughts or ideas into a worthwhile/coherent whole. Anyway, the guy's a genius, and it's just fun to hear him pontificate about bubbles of consciousness and oceans of the transcendent for a few minutes.

[Hat tip, Matthew Yglesias]

Kerry Wins an Argument?

John McCain's case for the presidency is so weak, even John Kerry can effectively make the point on television. And that guy sometimes had trouble introducing himself.

This...is...John...Kerry...reporting...for...duty...

In this clip, courtesy of the excellent blog of Oliver Willis, McCain surrogate Lindsay Graham openly admits that, yes, a new Republican Administration would extend and enhance the economic policies of the Bush era. So if you don't ever want to sell your home, retire or get any kind of medical treatment, McCain may be the candidate for you!

From the Files of Police Mod

Brilliant mash-up of "Naked Gun" and "Grand Theft Auto IV." There's really nothing textual I could add that would enhance this.

I Will Do Anything For a Laugh

DOUBLE UDPATE: The comments on this thing are amazing. I'd say a good 4/5 have generally nice things to say - they enjoyed the video, they find me intensely sexually attractive or they support Leah in the contest. Those other 1/5 are just...well, it's the kind of hilarious obscenity you can only get from YouTube comments.

A lot of them feel the need to inform me of my own latent homosexuality. And I think we can all sympathize. How often have you been watching a clearly comical video on the Internet and thought..."Hey, the gentleman who made this is wearing something typically associated with females, or those of a different body type! He must therefore be gay, and is most likely unaware of his own sexual orientation and proclivities! I think I ought to inform him of such, lest he go through his life not realizing that he was physically attracted to members of his own gender!"

UPDATE: Leah's video may actually be going viral. It has been up for less than 24 hours and is currently showing 25,336 views on YouTube. Holy crap.

Seriously. I mean...this is too far...



Can I please stay on the Internet, please? I promise not to wear any more midriffs.

To be honest, when Leah first suggested it, I was a bit conflicted about this one. Are people laughing with me? Or at me? It took approximately two comments on the Mahalo Daily page for someone to show up and make a cheap shot at my lack of fitness.

In the end, I decided...If it's funny, it's worth doing. Call it the Chris Farley Principle.

By the way, here's Andrea's video from the day before, that was also fun to shoot and features me in a guest role:



Sorry I forgot to post that this morning...Total oversight.

AND of course, there's your Behind-the-Scenes bonus feature:

You're Getting Sleepy...

Every once in a while, I see some random Internet video, usually an electronic remix accompanied by interesting/peculiar images of some kind, and become strangely obsessed by it for a week or so.

After a few days, my urge to rewatch these things kind of goes away. But it's weird how sometimes a simple concept, well executed, can just by sort of mesmerizing. Or maybe it's just me. Anyway, I defy you to just watch this "Alice in Wonderland" video once...The song is genius, composed 90% of sounds taken directly from Disney's "Alice" film. And combined with the clips...I don't know, it's just really hypnotic.



I don't think this next one is quite as outstandingly weird and fascinating as "Alice," but it's still worth including. Brooklyn band Ratatat's new single, "Mirando," has a video composed entirely of looping footage from Predator.



A little while back, it was this musical interpretation of the Crazy Texas Polygamy Cult, appropriately titled "It's Not a Compound":

The Muppets Take "Manhattan"

Wow...this is brilliant. Thanks to 1938 Media for pointing me to this fantastic mash-up via the magic of Twitter.

Steve Teaches You to Make Iced Tea

Look out, Gordon Ramsay...I think we have our next world-famous celebrity chef right there. This guy is Personality Plus! He's got It!

Between No Ferns with Thomas Lennon

I interviewed actor/screenwriter/intense Dune fan Thomas Lennon ("Reno 911," "The State") the other day. He's an intensely awesome guy, and gave our little Mahalo Daily podcast a full hour of his valuable time. I think it's definitely among the best Mahalo Daily episodes with which I've been involved...Let's watch!

The Co-Hostess with the Mostest

As of today, we've seen all the podcasts produced by our six Mahalo Idol finalists, and bloggers are starting to chime in with their selections for who should move on. (I should mention, you can actually vote for your favorite at Mahalodaily.com. I'm fairly certain the audience favorite will automatically move on to the next round.)

Let me just say, I totally appreciate all the bloggers who noted that I desperately need an attractive female counterpart. As blogger Tony Andrew Meyer notes, "realistically, the show needs an extremely attractive host (especially if co-hosting with Lon)." Apparently, to Tony's mind, nothing is worse than looking at a fat guy who doesn't have an extremely beautiful woman beside him. I guess the two of us would even out into, like, some relatively plain-looking hermaphrodite at which you wouldn't mind gawking for 4-6 minutes at a pass.

Now, it wouldn't be fair for me to name a favorite, and I don't want to influence the viewers' selections (not that I feel like I have that kind of sway, but you get what I'm saying). However, I would like to post all the ladies' entries and offer some of my thoughts to any interested parties...

Leah D'Emilio



Leah kicked off the contestant podcasts winningly with a trip to a Capoeira studio to do some Brazilian Dance Fighting. I kind of wish there had been a bit more footage of her actually trying to do some Capoeira moves, but what I really liked about this episode was the sheer amount of information presented. Leah's extremely polished, and when you watch this, you feel confident, like you're in the hands of someone with a plan, someone who will make you just a teensy bit smarter. My episodes certainly don't offer anything like that. I tend to get caught up in one-liners and silly costumes, forgetting that part of the original idea behind Mahalo Daily was to be informative and enlightening. Leah remembered.

Also, did you all know she's an accomplished singer-songwriter? Got to be worth a few bonus points...

Michelle Hummel



Michelle's episode is set at an Anaheim go-kart track. I think her advantage here is that riding around in a go-kart is genuinely a lot of fun, and viewers can tell she's actually enjoying herself, not just going through the motions. The phrase "great energy" has been thrown around a lot in this competition - almost to the point of becoming meaningless - but there's no other way to describe Michelle's performance in this episode...Her playfulness and enthusiasm come through.

She's also probably the best actress of all the finalists. Whenever we'd give her direction for one of the teasers, she would nail the performance on the first take. Her crying scene in Teaser #4 is spot on.

Nadine Heimann



Nadine's episode is about Mixed Martial Arts CAGE FIGHTING! I mean...yes! Best choice of topic, I think, out of all six contestants, and as we all know from that other "Idol" show, your choices say a lot about you and can often make or break your whole performance. Plus, I love the way she just goes for it and actually does some of the moves with the instructor here, even flipping him over her shoulder at one point. A cool visual like that, in a lot of ways, is more important than all the perfectly-enunciated intros and outros (or "extros," as Alex Albrecht might say) in the world.

In general, I'd add that Nadine's very physical and athletic, which would make a great counterpoint to my fat, sedentary ass. Right, Tony?

Sarah Atwood



I'm not trying to say Sarah doesn't have her own style, but this feels like a Belmont-era "Mahalo Daily Classic" to me in a number of ways, from Sarah's friendly, laid-back tone to her total engagement with the subject to her slightly nerdy sense of humor. (Hey, that's not a knock, it's even in the name of her blog). Something else I'd point out about this episode...I think you probably hear more from the interview subject here than in any of the other contestant's shows...Sarah's not desperate to interject - she allows her subject to drive the conversation. This is something with which I struggle all the time...it's tough for me sometimes to just shut up and let someone else engage the viewer, even if they're the ones people want to hear.

Sarah's already built up a pretty strong Internet fan base on her own, without the Daily, which essentially proves she can do the job before we even have a chance to offer it to her.

Kristina Allison



Kristina is completely and thoroughly natural on camera. She's just herself. I'm noticing in the comments on her episode around the Web that some people don't like that...They want her to be more outgoing or excited or bubbly or something, I suppose. And I'll grant that most people (myself included) put on at least a bit of a persona when they get on camera. But, in this video, Kristina just has a casual conversation with a sound mixer about his job, without ever making it feel forced or stagy. She's just chilling with Dave, checking out his studio. Because of this ability to make you feel like you've hung out with her after watching a 5-minute video on the Internet, I think she might have the most potential to become Internet Famous. This is a girl with whom geeks will want to Twitter.

Also, did I mention she's the lead singer for rock band The Paper Dolls? Come on!

Andrea Rene



Andrea's episode, set at a gun club's firing range, is hilarious. Actually hilarious. I've actually been to one of these places and tried it out myself, and her reaction strikes me as entirely appropriate - the experience is weird and intense and freaky and extremely fun. There were some negative comments on the Daily page about her somewhat casual attitude towards the guns (at one point, yes, she kind of breaks protocol by pointing a gun away from the target), but it didn't bother me a bit. I was too busy being massively entertained. This was a big risk - I thought so from the moment she suggested the idea - and it really paid off. A great sense of humor is a big part of what we're looking for in a host, and if we were going on laughs-per-moment alone, I think Andrea would have it wrapped up.

I should also note, Andrea has had a lot of other hosting gigs, on and off-line, and she has nailed every single challenge we've put forth in "Mahalo Idol," leaving little doubt about her potential success as host.

Let us know your thoughts at Mahalo Daily. I'm not exactly sure where we're going from here - Jason has discussed everything from eliminating one lady per week to cutting it down to 2 on Monday - but we're committed to giving the audience a say in the matter. Your votes will COUNT! Which is more than several U.S. states can say with any measure of certainty. That's the Mahalo Daily difference.

Gervais Drinks Ramsay's Spunk

I'm not sure what the context of this clip could possibly be, and I don't care. Gervais + Ramsay = Good.



[Hat tip, Ezra]

It's Whiter...It Stays White Later...

I seriously can't believe Hillary Clinton said this to anyone, let alone a reporter:



And I quote:

"I have a much broader base to build a winning coalition on," she said in an interview with USA TODAY. As evidence, Clinton cited an Associated Press article "that found how Sen. Obama's support among working, hard-working Americans, white Americans, is weakening again, and how whites in both states who had not completed college were supporting me."

"There's a pattern emerging here," she said.

Are we to understand that Hillary is now actively and openly courting the support of white bigots?

"Hey, Rufus! Wanna spend a few bucks less on gas for a month? Scared of browns? Then git on down to the votin' store and support Hillary Clinton!"

I mean, there is a primary coming up in West Virginia ("The Bigot State"), so I'm not saying it's necessarily a bad strategy...but it's pretty goddamn brazen all the same. And from a Democrat no less.

Wow.

The Mothers of Implosion

This is an actual commercial intended to make you LIKE John McCain. It's like McCain and Romney had a "Who's More Visibly Awkward" contest, and McCain clearly won but insists on rubbing it in now. What a dick.

But seriously, Christopher Guest directing Larry David in a Ricky Gervais-penned remake of Welcome to the Dollhouse would not be this cringe-worthy.



He approved this message? What's the message? I can't even tell what the hell she's talking about. When he was born, people gave them lots of booze? John, John, when people said they "wanted to have a beer with George Bush," they didn't mean that literally he had to buy every American beer. It's just a metaphor. The guy with the most liquor doesn't actually just get to be President.

BACHELON!

Mahalo VLOG Idol is now...THE BACHELON!



Man...a shirt unbuttoned to my navel and a tuxedo T-shirt in the same episode...Will I ever be able to top this?

Finally!

Don't get me wrong...I'm glad my candidate will win. But I would have voted for either of them gladly against John McCain. I'm just happy this excruciating primary is finally going to end.



But will I ever be able to watch 20 minutes of TV without seeing ludicrous footage of Jeremiah Wright? Only time will tell...