Don't Mess With Sexas...I Mean, Texas! Texas!

How do Texans do it? Even if you intentionally tried to elect the most enormous asshole to the governorship of your state, it would be hard to beat the record they've got going. George W. Bush and Rick Perry back-to-back. Oh my stars and garters...

Pandagon points me to this intensely hilarious yet terrifying interview with Rick Perry, who has recently completed a book about how the Boy Scouts were justified in banning gay troop leaders. Not an article or an op-ed piece, mind you. A book. An entire book. Not sure there's really a book's worth of material there. Let's see..."Ewww! Gay dudes! Gross!" Nope, it's only five words. I guess you use a big font and add lots of illustrations.

What do you think of Barack Obama? I think he is a very attractive, very intriguing and, to many, a very stimulating candidate. I think he is one step away from being a socialist.

And it's awesome right off the bat. He uses three words to describe Obama: attractive, intriguing and stimulating. Are we starting to get at the root of this guy's homophobia or what?

And can you really be "one step away from being a socialist"? (Not that Obama has demonstrated a strong inclination towards socialism. Out of the two Democratic candidates, whose voting records are both relatively moderate, he's the less inclined towards massively expanding social programs and mandating public participation.) I just mean, socialism is a vague term to describe a whole raft of ideologies and policies. You either accept some or all of these beliefs, or you don't. If you do, you're a socialist (though maybe a moderate socialist). To describe someone as "one step away from being a socialist" would mean that you believe they will one day subscribe to these ideologies and policies, but presently do not, which would be a weird thing for Rick Perry to say about someone he probably doesn't know that well (and may not have met). How does he know Obama's mind?

I think what he really means, if I can translate from the original Texan, is "I'm a coward who's too scared to come out and say 'Barack Obama is a socialist', so I will moderate this statement just enough to make it toothless and evasive, thus preventing me the shame and embarrassment of being called out on my bullshit."

The conversation then moves on to Perry's book about icky gays trying to ruin Scouts. The title? "On My Honor: Why the American Values of the Boy Scouts Are Worth Fighting For" Blurgh.

Why do you see that as a worthy cause? I am pretty clear about this one. Scouting ought to be about building character, not about sex. Period. Precious few parents enroll their boys in the Scouts to get a crash course in sexual orientation.

This guy is such an idiot. I mean, aside from the obvious "bigot" thing, he also just misspeaks constantly, much like his predecessor, President Chimpface McStumblefuck. "Precious few parents enroll their boys in the Scouts to get a crash course in sexual orientation"? I'd say approximately zero parents enroll their boys in Scouts so the kids can learn whether or not they enjoy the intimate company of members of their own gender. Unless the child happens to be Canteen Boy.

Reporter Deborah Solomon asks the obvious follow-up:

Why do you think a homosexual would be more likely to bring the subject of sex into a conversation than a heterosexual? Well, the ban in scouting applies to scout leaders. When you have a clearly open homosexual scout leader, the scouts are going to talk about it. And they’re not there to learn about that. They’re there to learn about what it means to be loyal and trustworthy and thrifty.

But don’t you think that homosexuals might also be interested in being loyal and thrifty? The argument that gets made is that homosexuality is about sex. Do you agree?

No. Well, then why don’t they call it something else?

Um, what? They don't all call it any one thing. We, speakers of the English language, have decided to use "homosexuality" as a term to denote those people who prefer to engage in sex acts with members of their own ("homo") gender. As opposed to those people who prefer to engage in sex acts with members of a different ("hetero") gender.

This is an argument? "Teh ghey wants to seduce your children and that's why he put the word sex in the middle of the word describing his sexual orientation"? Has Gov. Perry ever noticed that the word of his professed orientation, "heterosexual," also has the word "sex" in it? Solomon doesn't bring this up, possibly out of fear of blowing Rick's mind.

Bear in mind, Little Ricky wrote a fucking book on this subject! Hard to believe. Maybe it's one of those small books for preschoolers made of cardboard with only a few words per page. Or maybe the last hundred pages are just the words "Screw Flanders" written over and over again. I'm certainly not going to look for a copy and find out.