Glenbushy Glen Ross

Sir, can I have a moment of your time? My name is George W. Bush and I'd love to talk with you, very briefly, about our exciting new War on Iran. You know, no country is really complete without a War on Iran.

Thanks. This will just take up just a moment. I can see you're a busy man. Oh, hey, is that a fishing rod. I've done a bit of fishing myself. Crawford, Texas. I once caught a huge fish out there. Probably the greatest day of my presidency.

But anyway...Oh, store-bought coffee cake. Delicious. Thanks so much.

So here's my situation. I'm sitting in the Oval Office, Dick Cheney comes in, he tells me all about a War in Iran. Now, they want to take out some advertising, spread the word about a War in Iran, find potential voters, even get a Declaration of War from the Congress.

So, I say, hey...You want to start a War on Iran. You don't take out advertising. You don't bother finding any actual allies or gaining the support and confidence of the American people. You find a way to pass those savings right on to the voter.

"Well," Dick says, "how do you do that? How do you go about finding voters to support a War in Iran with magazines, without radio?" And I said, "With a deal this good, you go to a man, has voted for wars before, you pass the savings right along to him." You know what I mean? Rebate!

No, hey, I don't want to sell you on a War in Iran. Alright? I leave that to the pundits. Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity. No, I'm coming here to make you an offer, alright? Think of what a War in Iran can do for your home, okay? Just think about it. More years of Republican authoritarian abuses of power...A guarantee of thousands upon thousands of casualties on both sides...The opportunity for massive corporations to do some more war profiteering. What do you say? Shall I draw up the paperwork right now?

Oh, I see, you 've got to go pick up the wife. We can take my car. Can't wait to meet the little lady...

Oh, you're going to your relatives afterwards? I'll tell you what. I'll go down to my computer, we'll pull up the files. We can get a war for each of them to vote for, the whole family. Syria, Jordan, North Korea, Venezuela, Canada...Look at me, I am in the act of giving a gift away.

Your name's not "Patel," is it?