The Airing of Grievances

I know I say this all the time, but I think the President is acting like an even more enormous, dim-witted fuck-up than usual lately. I think it started around the time he made fun of that blind guy at the press conference. When I wasn't paying attention, he progressed from a hideous, shameful national embarassment to the political equivalent of Steve Martin's Ruprecht character in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

Here's a brief laundry list of his recent gaffes, for those of you who don't pay attention during the Moment of Zen at the end of the "Daily Show":

- Bush deflects serious questions about the devastating violence in the Middle East to focus on the barbecued pig he'll be enjoying later that afternoon.

- In a joint press conference with Vladimir Putin, Bush implies that he'd like to see Russia embrace more freedoms...like Iraq. Putin replies that he doesn't Russia to have a democracy anything like Iraq's. Ba-zing.

- During a G8 summit, Bush speaks with food in his mouth, curses, misues the term "irony" and addresses the Prime Minister of Britain as "Yo, Blair!"

- A few days later, at the same G8 conference, Bush awkwardly attempts to give German Chancellor Angela Merkel a neck massage. Who the fuck is this guy? We elected him to serve as our representative to the world, and he's sleazing around this crucial diplomatic event like Schneider from "One Day at a Time."

- Bush's initial response to the Israel-Lebanon conflict was to issue a series of rambling, incoherent statements - statements so meaningless, they seemed to indicate a general confusion about contemporary world events.

Still not convinced? Take a look at this photo:


Look, ma, no brains!

And...sigh...this one:



That's, of course, a still from Universal's can't-miss upcoming holiday comedy, Three Men, A Baby and a Complete Fucking Douchebag.

If we ever plan to restoring any international respect of any kind (if such a thing is even possible), I think we should start openly acknowledging that we all know he's an idiot. At first, maybe slip it in there casually. Have the Secret Service pin a note to his jacket alerting other world leaders that our President has "special needs," and that they may need to repeat important points to him several times and/or bribe him with an extra serving of applesauce in order to gain his attention.

Then, get a little bit more bold. Have him conduct all his public addresses in front of back drops counting down the number of days until he's no longer President. Get him a Presidential tricycle to ride around on, to make sure he doesn't fall off. Dress the Secret Service in "I'm With Stupid" T-shirts. You know, have fun with it...Let these other countries know we're not just a bunch of Rapture-happy fast food and violence junkies, that we have a sense of humor about Our Retarded Deciderer.