Sex in the Library

Playboy has published a list of the 25 sexiest novels. Usually, I feel dumber after reading lists of Great Novels, because I realize that out of the canon of worthwhile English-language literature, I've read exceptionally little. And if you're talking about works in other languages, fuhgeddaboutit. I think I read Hunchback of Notre Dame in high school, but the only things I remember clearly about the book is its exceptional length and the fact that it's nothing like the Disney version.

I don't feel quite as dumb after reading Playboy's list, because it's filled with books I wouldn't bother reading in the first place. Like Judy Blume's Forever. Hey, it might have been big with girls in the 70's, but that's not a book I feel any sort of real need to experience. It's not like never getting around to Slaughterhouse Five is what I'm saying.

Plus, I've read 4 of 25 sexy novels, which is pretty good considering that I don't really decide to read books based on overall level of sexiness.

One of my favorite books ever, Philip Roth's Portnoy's Complaint, places at #7, which is kind of surprising because the book is not at all sexy. Calling Portnoy's Complaint the sexiest book ever is like calling Annie Hall the sexiest movie ever. They're both great achievements, but they focus on the neuroses and tension surrounding sex as opposed to the sensuous, erotic act itself.

Nicholson Baker's Vox, which comes in (hey-o!) at #17, should be much much higher. A book made up entirely of phone sex, Vox is something of a smut tour-de-force. I read this book and another Baker novel, The Fermata while working at a Barnes and Noble in Orange County. I preferred the latter book, Fermata, the "autobiography" of a man with the ability to freeze time who uses his amazing power to admire, strip and molest women. But I agree that Vox is the sexier book, if only because the majority of the sex discussed is consensual.

Lolita ranks 11th on Playboy's list, which confirms they were going for "sexist" novel and not "best sexy" novel, because it's clearly one of the greater, most clever and artful novels ever written. Also, that someone at Playboy thinks young girls and the pedophiles who love them are sexy. Fair enough, I suppose...