A Real Meeting of the Minds

ARNOLD: Nice to see you, Mr. President. It's an honor to haf you here in the great state of Caulifornya.

BUSH: Thanks, Conan, it's nice to be here.

ARNOLD: You really didn't need to come. Like I toll you on de phone, I haf this upcoming re-election well in hand.

BUSH: Always a pleasure to help out a fellow Republican.

ARNOLD: No, seriously, sir...You've got to stop coming around here or ve're going to haf a problem. Seriously. No more visits. Being seen shaking hands vit you right now is like being seen making out vit Lindsay Lohan. It causes a major drop in de credibeelity.

BUSH: Actually, McBain, I had a favor to ask you.

ARNOLD: Alright, alright. Who do you need raped und murdered this time?

BUSH: No, no, not that kind of favor. I was sort of hoping you'd go over to Afghanistan and Iraq and kill a whole bunch of terrorists for me. Sure would help us out in the press. I am getting hammered out there these days.

ARNOLD: Vat makes you theenk I could go over dere and do this sort of thing?

BUSH: I saw this movie once where you went around just killing all kinds of people, all by yourself, sometimes with your bare hands. It was totally awesome.

ARNOLD: Commando?

BUSH: No, it wasn't that one.

ARNOLD: Maybe Predator? Or Total Recall?

BUSH: Wasn't them, either...No, you looked kind of differnt, and you was in a headband with all your muscles sticking out...

ARNOLD: You are theenkeeng of dat last Rambo sequel. That's with Sylvester Stallone, not me.

BUSH: You sure?

ARNOLD: Yes.

BUSH: Yeah, I guess I was only half paying attention. I don't have much patience for art films anyways.

ARNOLD: Much as I'd like to help, sir, I don't reely theenk I'd be too good at fighting terrorists. I haf a heart condition, you know.

BUSH: Yeah, yeah, I know all about that stuff. Cheney's got a bum heart. Me, too, probly...Cause of all that cocaine I was always doing.

ARNOLD: Ah, yes, I know all about that. Didn't you ever see Pumping Iron?

BUSH: Naw, I don't watch gay movies. Anyway, I figured you used to be a diplomat for Nixon, so you could help me out. Your country, by which I mean me, needs you.

ARNOLD: Now you're theenkeen of Henry Kissinger. That's not me. I'm Arnold, the movie actor, bodybuilder and Republican governor of Kaaleafurnya.

BUSH: Oh, yeah, I get mixed up, cause you both talk funny.