Know Whut I Mean, Vern?

I'm always fascinated by how quickly and cruelly our leaders will drop dead weight. Remember Michael "heckuvajob" Brown, former head of FEMA. He was Bush's best buddy until that whole nasty-hurricane-decimates-large-chunk-of-America-while-Bush-enjoys-delicious-cake thing. After that, they threw him out to the wolves completely. I mean...those e-mails with him talking about shopping for suits...That's got to hurt!

And now there's this news today about Claude Allen, a senior Bush advisor (with the same salary as Karl Rove!) who was busted for...wait, what?...for shoplifting?

The Target Loss Prevention Manger contacted Montgomery County Police and through the police investigation it was learned that Allen had been receiving refunds in an amount exceeding $5,000 during last year. Some of the fraudulent returns were made at Target stores and some at Hecht’s stores. He would buy items, take them out to his car, and return to the store with the receipt. He would select the same items he had just purchased, and then return them for a refund. Allen is known to have conducted approximately 25 of these types of refunds, having the money credited to his credit cards.

Wow...A shoplifter in the President's inner circle. I mean...don't get me wrong. I think everyone in the President's inner circle, at this point, is a criminal to some extent. But, you know, at least a white-collar criminal, a behind-the-scenes, war criminal type criminal. Not petty scams usually reserved for dope fiends.

How can these revelations get any more embarrassing for the White House? I mean, as if the Vice-President shooting an old guy in the face wasn't enough to deal with...What's next? Has Donald Rumsfeld been stripping the copper wiring from abandoned crack dens for the recycling money? Does Condi Rice has several unlicensed exotic animals in her apartment?

This guy resigned myseteriously a few months ago, and the White House lied and said that he quit because of the pressure the job put on his family. I think they just lie as a reflex action at this point...There's no point at all to that lie. Everyone's going to find out anyway, and the guy was already agreeing to step down. That's just a "I always lie to the press so why not keep going" kind of lie.

We should test the theory. Reporters should just start asking the President what color his tie is, and see if he makes some shit up.

"Well, it may look like I'm wearing a blue tie, but I have some news for you, Helen Thomas. Some news that might just shock and discredit you...I'm not wearing a tie at all!"

And while I'm on the subject of Republican scumbags (one of the few key subjects of this blog, after all), here's an additional item. An advertisement for Congressional candidate, and all around swell guy, Vernon Robinson. Do yourself a giant favor and check out the ad via the magic of Crooks and Liars.

That's it, I'm moving to New Zealand. I'll see you assholes later.

Okay, I just went and checked out airfare to Aukland. I'm selling a screenplay, and then moving to New Zealand.

But I'm still not happy about occupying the same hemisphere as Mr. Robinson. He apparently thinks the largest problems facing America, in order of threat level, are the following:

(1) Fags/Lesbians/Felicity Huffman
(2) Darkies
(3) Flag burners
(4) Feminists
(5) Uppity darkies
(6) Mooslims
(7) Unseen armies of librul judges forcing adorable blonde children to cover their mouths after any reference to God through the use of stern gavelings
(8) Dirty border-hopping Mexicans
(9) Roe and/or Wade

Not to mention, this guy obviously has no real idea what a Congressman even does. You won't get to screw around with feminists protesters or stop boys from kissing, Vern. (Well, maybe if you're from South Dakota...)

I'd like to add that Vern may be the first politician in history to purposefully compare himself to The Beaver. Everyone knows that Eddie Haskell was the cool character on that show. Even this guy's taste in 50's sitcoms sucks.

(I'll leave out the long, shrill paragraph about how Vernon and his like-minded Republican whackjob friends are now openly pining for an America that only exists on lame sitcoms...If you're going to actually run the nation in a way that emulates an old TV show, why couldn't it at least be "Dobie Gillis." Ooh, or "Have Gun Will Travel." That show kicked ass!)

Finally, I have to say a few words about former Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor and her comments to the people of Georgetown University. She warned that the United States is in danger of falling into a dictatorship.

I'd post to a link of the speech, where she calls out Tom DeLay and John Cornyn (not by name but by deed), but she didn't allow the speech to be broadcast. That's very telling, right?

So let's review. She votes for the atrcious Bush v. Gore ruling, which unfairly handed to Presidency to a half-retarded Boy King. She goes quietly about her business before retiring, allowing Boy King to select and push through confirmation a suitably loyal replacement. Then, after her opinion about anything no longer matters, she finally says what everyone else has known for a few years already. And even then, she won't allow her speech to be broadcast!

What is this woman afraid of? I mean, her career is over, she can retire and live out her years quietly. What could the Republicans do to her if she attracted media attention to this story. Hire Jeff Gilooly to bust her in the kneecaps with a length of pipe?