I Turn My Camera On

I've had this cell phone with the camera for a few weeks now. Initially, I imagined I'd be taking photos for the blog all the time. Finally, I could really add an authentic visual element to the blog! Lacking a copy of Photoshop, it's the least I can do to take some photos, right?

Unfortunately, it's hard to get pictures. Not that I don't see amusing things from time to time. But to have to reach for a camera, aim and make sure the lighting is right...It's difficult. Plus, even though I found out how to turn off the loud "shutter sound" that my phone made, it's hard to be inconspicuous when taking a photo of, say, a silly video store customer. People can usually tell when you're aiming a phone at them, particularly if they're presently involved in an activity that will make them look stupid, like showing their buttcrack to everyone while bending over to reach for a low-lying $4.98 copy of Taking Lives out of the Bargain Bin.

Suffice it to say, I don't have any great photos yet. Nothing classic. Nothing that will set all the other blogs afire with its pure concentrated hilarity. I'm trying to get some midget strippers to light themselves on fire, cause midgets + pyromania = web traffic, but it hasn't quite come together yet. Stay tuned.

But that's no reason not to share the mundane photos I've taken these past few weeks, right? I mean, I have to blog about something, right? RIGHT?

This first picture kind of breaks the bloggy fourth-wall a bit. You're all going to actually get a good, clear look at my plump, balding, unshorn visage. That's right...I know there's some rumors circulating around town that this blog is secretly penned by Zach Braff as kind of a delicious inside joke/writerly exercize, but I think this picture, taken in the flourescent lighting of a public restroom, will finally reveal the whole truth.



Why was I taking a photo of myself in a public restroom? Well, I had this new phone...

I actually kind of think it's a cool photo. Like if I was starring in a European music video.

And, yes, my hair always looks like that. I wash it every day, and yet by around noon, I begin to look like a transient who hasn't had access to a shower since the Reagan Administration. Just another one of nature's cruel jokes.

Here we see a customer, blurry enough that I can show them without fear of violating anyone's anonymity. In case any of you were worried.



That's basically what I see all day. Just imagine that, but add in some box-packing and data-entry, and you've basically got an idea about 40 hours of my week.

Here's the odd mural behind the veterinarian's office down the street.



I mean, okay, I get it...Role-reversal...A dog brings their human in to the cat doctor for a check-up. It's just kind of...I don't know...strange. Creepy. I think it's the expression on the dude. It kind of gives me the creeps. Also, it totally sucks that the little dog says I'm not allowed to park there, because I keep getting tickets for parking on the street.

In my estimation, this last photo is the best I've yet taken with the cell phone camera. It's just Pico Boulevard at night.



Kind of simulates the feeling of being drunk on Pico Blvd. Maybe not the most pleasurable of all possible scenarios to recreate...