Break That Back Down

That header is a line from an old Mack 10 song, by the way. "Mosey Wosey," I believe was the name, some kind of odd slang term for a cheap motel that will rent out rooms by the hour. The whole song is about taking an incredibly cheap slut to a filthy motel and having degrading sex with her until you have to leave, to make room for the next dirtbag. The entire line goes like this...

"Break That Back Down/Stick Your Ass In the Air/And Lay Your Head Flat Down"

I recall that song from my freshman year at UCLA, when it was a favorite of my roommates. It's reprehensible, and kind of fascinating in its own way, but it is not at all the subject of this post. The subject of this post is Ang Lee's latest film, Brokeback Mountain, which I have not yet seen. I am curious to see it though. You might even say...a little bi-curious to see it.

I don't know why I even went into all that stuff about the Mack 10 song. Maybe I'm trying to say that heterosexuals and homosexuals are both equally depraved and perverse. Or perhaps I just think the idea of a man bragging in rhyme about banging some disease-ridden floozy in a fetid motel room is funny.

As you all, by now, probably know, Brokeback Mountain is the critically-acclaimed, award-nominated film from the director of The Ice Storm, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Eat Drink Man Woman and, regrettably, Hulk. That last one, by his own admission, nearly ended his career.

This new film follows two gay cowboys (played by heartthrobs Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger), their decades-spanning friendship and forbidden, secret romance. They do not, to my knowledge, at any point in time, actually consume any pudding.

A few weeks back, I was discussing the subject of Brokeback Mountain with some friends online, all of us straight males. (Though, I'm proud to say, not all straight white males, so at least we had one mark on the Diversity Checklist). I think the opinions can be broken down into three categories:

On one extreme, you have the opinion that going a movie that includes non-explicit gayity is kind of gross and uncomfortable, and would just as soon go see Harry Potter 4 again than watch boys make out. In the middle, you had myself. While I don't particularly care to see boys kiss, it's also not the sort of thing that will ruin an otherwise good movie for me. If Brokeback Mountain is as good as they say, I will enjoy it, half-seen man-on-man thrusting be damned. And then, on the other extreme, you had the idea that refusing to enjoy Brokeback Mountain just because the subject is gayity is homophobic and arrogant and wrong.

Like I said, I'm kind of straddling the fence on this one. I sympathize with my friend who doesn't want to watch a 130 minute movie about dudes in love. As American males, we have been taught all our lives to respect one kind of romantic relationship. Even though I can say with some degree of certainty that none of my friends hates gay people or behaves inappropriately towards them, it's sometimes hard to automatically accept something you find gross, even if you know you should.

At the same time, it does seem silly to me, avoiding a movie that might be really good just because of a little homo stuff. It's a reality of the world in which we live, so it will absolutely become a part of our arts and culture, just like serial killer movies and disaster films and charming holiday comedies in which an extremely fecund woman with 20 offspring marries a similarly fertile man with 20 offspring and a pet pig. I became addicted to "Six Feet Under" early on in its run, coming on as it did right after "The Sopranos" back in those days. (Ah, memories...) It used to raise eyebrows amongst my roommates at the time. I just dont' really understand that attitude. I mean, they're not kissing you, man. Relax.

Perhaps it's this tolerant attitude when it comes to gay-themed films that has created my current situation at work. There's a woman who comes in all the time, a friendly local teacher who rents a lot of films and happens to be a lesbian. Anyway, the first time we ever spoke about movies, when I was first working at the store, we talked about Pedro Almoldovar's Bad Education, a rather brilliant mystery film from 2004. Like many of Almoldovar's films, it's steeped in gay culture, in this case featuring a man character who is a drag queen.

So I think she might have the idea that, because I like movies like Bad Education, I'm...you know...a bender...

Don't get me wrong...She's never come out and said anything. We just talk about movies. But she just always asks me about whatever gay-themed film we've gotten in that week, as if I'll have seen them all. (Although, to be honest, sometimes I've seen them...) This week, she came in, returned her movie, leaned against the counter and asked me the following question...

"So, have you seen Brokeback yet?"

I'll call your attention to two red flags in this brief query.

(1)

Shortening the title of the film from Brokeback Mountain to Brokeback. She's assuming that I'm intimately familiar with the film already, one week into its theatrical run. As if it has been a major topic of conversation for me all week.

(2)

The use of the word "yet." I don't mean to get all High Fidelity on you, but by saying "yet," she's making the assumption that I will definitely see Brokeback Mountain at some point in the near future. I've never spoken of a particular affinity for Ang Lee films (probably because I don't have one), nor favor towards Mr. Ledger or Mr. Gyllenhaal (though I do like Donnie Darko a lot). So I can only assume that she thinks I'll definitely see the movie because she thinks I'm gay.

Don't get me wrong. It doesn't really matter that she thinks I'm gay. I don't want to get 100 comments down there insisting that I must be gay if I'm worried that the woman at work thinks I'm gay. That's a myth, okay? Just because a man is slightly self-conscious doesn't mean that, deep down, he has an intense craving for cock. Sometimes, a guy is just a little self-conscious.

The whole thing does make me think about what life must be like for gay guys in the closet. All day, every day, people are making this same mistake with them. We always just kind of assume someone is heterosexual unless they are extraordinarily effeminate. It must kind of suck.

I'll definitely try to see Brokeback, as the kids are calling it, some time this week and report back if it totally a-give me the jibblies. I suspect not, particularly because I hear that Anne Hathaway has a topless scene. I guess she figured, they made an appearance in Havoc already, so the cat's out of the bag. Bear in mind, though, that I also want to see in the coming week or two King Kong, Chronicles of Narnia, Munich, The New World, Syriana, The Producers, Breakfast on Pluto and Mrs Henderson Presents. So it's a full slate. We'll see what happens...

And while we're on the subject, check out this entire week of Boondocks strips about Brokeback Mountain. It's pretty funny stuff. McGruder really knows how to work the five-day comic strip story arc, and builds to a nice payoff. Be sure to read the full week, I'm starting you out at the first page.