Thank You Ameri-CAH

I had thought that Braffy nominee Toby Keith's "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue" was about as disgusting as a jingoistic pro-American country song could get. But that's only because I hadn't yet heard Luca Zanna's "Thank You America," courtesy of unitedstates.fm (motto: the web radio for those who love the United States of America).

Of course, it's a country song. But not just any country song. One in which the singer tries for an exaggerated twang and falls really short, resulting in a vocal sound somewhat approximating Neil Diamond after slugging 10 bottles of Robitussin.

Here are the lyrics to "Thank You America":

If today I don't have to speak German
and live under the third reich...
Hey... Thank you America

If today I don't have to speak Russian
and live under that red flag...
Hey... Thank you America

Thank You for everything
Thank you for all my dreams
Thank You yes I am free...
Thank You America

If today my wife doesn't have to hide her face
and she can live like a woman...
Thank you, Thank you America

If today I can drink a beer
and celebrate life with no fear...
Thank you America

Thank You for everything
Thank you for all my dreams
Thank You yes I am free...
Thank You America

If today I can choose my own God...
If today I can say what I think without looking behind my back...
If today I can be the owner of my present and dream about my future...
If today I am a free man in a free Country...
I want to say one more time...

Thank You for everything
Thank you for all my dreams
Thank You yes I am free...
Thank You America

Oh, so much arrogant, pseudo-patriotic trash to mock, so little time.

If I didn't have to run out to work in about a half hour, I'd give you guys a more complete vivisecting of the song, but as it stands, let me just point out one massive inconsistancy.

One line thanks America for allowing him to choose his own God. But only a few lines prior, the narrator rebukes Muslims for hiding their women behind veils. So, which is it, hayseed? Are we big time into religious freedom, or do we seek to prevent others from expressing their religious beliefs in ways we find distasteful?

If you'd like to see a video montage that does a pretty good job of pointing out the inherent flaws and hypocracies in "Thank You America," why not check out this fine blog spot at Sadly, No! [NOTE: Because the video depicts America's actual foreign policy, and not some Fantasyland nonsense about freedom on the march, it's very graphic and disturbing and violent.]