A Trojan Is Only Good Once

I just saw a very strange commercial for Trojan condoms. I think it was on ESPN, but I'm not sure exactly what channel the roomies have on in the living room. Maybe it's ESPN4 or something?

Anyway, it opens with a title card informing us that 50,000 people a day contract STD's, which is a really high number until you consider that 5,000 people each day sleep with just Paris Hilton. So that's 10% right there. Add in Tara Reid and Lindsay Lohan, and you're halfway there.

I'm not doubting the commercial's stats, although that is way high. That means, every day, you're probably encountering a shitload of people with herpes and genital warts. Gross.

The commercial goes on to inform us that the only way, aside from abstinance, to avoid getting one of these nefarious and unnamed STD's is to use a condom every time.

Fair enough. I can't take issue with that. The weird part is, the image on screen while that title card appears is a couple kissing through a barbed wire fence.

What? You want to compare the experience of using a condom to kissing through a metal fence? I mean, yeah, it's kind of funky for a few minutes until you get used to it, but it's just a little strip of latex. It's still at least semi-intimate. I mean, this is still sex, not Dachau.

A barbed wire fence. Are they insane? That's the worst image for a commercial ever. "Use our condoms...It's just like not having a condom, only there's this sharp, dangerous, jagged metal divider between you and the person you're fucking."

It would be like making a chili commercial starring an animated, talking toilet bowl. "Try Stagg Chili...You get the runs, but that passes after about 20 minutes and then you're just really gassy for the rest of the night! It's great!"