The Big Surreality

American politics have become extremely surreal over the past month. On one hand, it seems like my fondest dreams are starting to come true: all these Republican criminals are being indicted, even the hardcore religious assholes are mad at Bush, and all the sensible people of America seem to be waking up from a 5-year stupor to discover that the guy leading them is not just incompetent but also arrogant and pig-headed.

But on the other hand, things seem poised to become worse than ever. Bush's dancing monkey will likely be confirmed to the Supreme Court, thus giving us a decidedly unfortunate douchebag-to-reasonable judge ratio. Iraq is entering, even as I type this, the initial phase of what is sure to be a bloody and drawn-out civil war. A large portion of the Southeastern US is still unlivable and contaminated, requiring over $150 billion to clean it up. And they say more killer storms may be on the way. And in Spring of 2005, Snakes on a Plane will open in a theater near you. [shudder...]

Jaron Lanier over at Huffington Post has come up with a pretty good term for the malaise currently facing the American Left: The Big Surreality. Things have gotten not just bad over the last five years, but ceaselessly strange. So strange, it's hard to even know how to react.

Here's Lanier's example: Five years ago, the Supreme Court installed George W. Bush as President. He brought along with him to The White House a like-minded, super-religious friend and colleague named Harriet Miers, who worked first as his staff secretary and then as his personal lawyer (after he installed his previous personal lawyer as Attorney General). Now, five years later, he's installing this like-minded lawyer to...The Supreme Court. Presumably so that she can then install his successor, or some such thing.

Yeah, it's a little surreal. Here's my personal example of a recent Big Surreal moment. On Bill Maher's HBO show last night, he was interviewing Ann Coulter via satellite. Of course, they were discussing Bill Bennett's shockingly racist comments on his radio show, where he stated that if we aborted all black babies, there would be less overall crime.

Now, a lot of people have focused on this comment as meaning that Bennett sanctions genocide towards black people. Obviosuly, that's not what he's implying. He's implying black people are disproportionately responsible for crime in America, based on well-worn crime statistics. As I see it, whether or not you believe in this claim, there are two possible explanations for why black people would potentially commit more crimes than whites.

(1) Black people are predisposed genetically to crime
(2) The conditions in which blacks live in America, including poor educational resources and cyclical poverty, drives them to commit more crimes

Okay, so back to Bill Maher. He stated to Ann Coulter his belief that the grinding poverty in which much of America's black population lives causes their increased rate of crime. She loudly disagreed. "I'm not sure poverty causes crime, Bill," were her words, as best I can remember.

So...she believes that blacks are predisposed genetically to crime, then, right? I mean, what's the other option. She's not arguing against the statistics, saying that black people don't commit any more crimes per capita than whites. Maher tried to nail her down, and she evaded the rest of the questioning, but that makes it pretty clear where she stands, right? She admitted to her own racism on national television.

That's kind of surreal, isn't it? When a best-selling author and leading voice of the American Right goes on national television and announces that she thinks black people are predisposed to being criminals? In fact, this whole Bill Bennett situation is surreal. I mean, I've known that many many many Republican politicians (and, let's face it, Democratic politicans) are huge racists for years. It's obvious. Some of them initially ran for office on blatantly racist platforms! All of the sudden, ever since that Trent Lott-Strom Thurmond gaffe, the mask is starting to slip. The racism is coming out.

Anyway, I like Lanier's terminology, but his final conclusion is prety weaksauce.

The alternative to falling into the Surreality trap is to be more clear and honest than the competition. Clarity and honesty in the case of abortion mean admitting that there might very well be something to the other side’s morality, that fate and life are beyond all of us, and then hoping that the other side will see that both humility and patriotism require that they not impose their faith on other people.

Call me a crazy idealist, but I have enough faith in the other side to believe they’ll eventually come around, at least enough to keep the country from falling in two.

Okay...Jaron, you're a crazy idealist. Actually, you're batshit insane and not paying attention. All Democrats have been doing for years is trying to counter their ridiculous fantasies with some sort of sense. Remember the debates?

BUSH: We got a grand coalition.
KERRY: No, you don't.
BUSH: It's awesome. Poland's in there, and we got Austramalia and I think the Yukon Territories are sending some folks.
KERRY: The Yuk--that's not even a country.
BUSH: I'm not a hard-hearted person.
KERRY: (exasperated) That's not a grand coalition.
BUSH: After we win in Iraq, we're goin' to Mars.

Over and over again, since these clowns first took office, people have been talking sense at nonsense and it's getting us nowhere. Remember when Alice went to Wonderland, and the more she tried to reason with the inhabitants there, the less rational everything became? That's Washington D.C. right now.

JOHN MCCAIN: Mr. President, we have to stop senselessly torturing people.
BUSH: Can you stand on your head?
ROY NAGIN: Mr. President, everyone in my city is drowning or starving to death.
BUSH: Will you play croquet with Dick Cheney today? No, wait, it's time for tea! Switch places!

I think the lefties should just counter the right's nonsense with even grander nonsense. Like, when they start insiting we teach Intelligent Design in schools, we should counter with demands that they teach kids about the Flying Spaghetti Monster. When they call us traitors, we should insist that Sean Hannity is a pedophile.

What? Are you saying you can prove beyond any doubt that Sean Hannity has never touched an 8 year old boy in a bad place? Don't you think the right has been a little quick and forceful in their immediate response to these allegations? I mean, why all the fanfare if it wasn't true? And admit it...the slicked-back hair, the oily charm...he's a classic child molester!