Lists of Fury

It's not often that the entire Internet can agree on anything, but it appears that the verdict is in on my Top 70 Most Profane Movie Quotes list...and it ain't positive.

As you may not have realized, about 10,000 people have visited this site in the last two days via Gorilla Mask, a big list of daily comedy and movie-related links. The 'Mask linked to my Profane Movie Quotes list, which far from being a definitive collection was more like a personal fun thing I had thrown together in my spare time. I had no idea it would be dissemenated to the Web At Large, and certainly no idea that my value as a person was at stake.

But, of course, it was. And I have failed at the appointed task miserably. That is, if you believe the comments left about me and my list all over the Intar-Web.

Most of the comments I read simply called the list "lame," but a few went a good deal further, maligning my personal character, knowledge of movies and even intention in publishing such a list.

It's odd. For as long as I've had this website, I've always had the goal of adding on more readers. It seems natural - you blog daily, you watch that counter go up and tick off your number of hits, and you want to see that number grow. Add on the fact that I only started this blog initially as a way to garner further interest in my writing, and you can see why I'm constantly trying to get more people to check out the site.

But now that I've had a huge number of readers, at least for one day on one article, I'm not so sure it's what I want any more. Because the fact is, the few people that visit my blog all the time are respectful, friendly, kind and insightful. If they have a disagreement with a contention of mine, they voice it in a reasonable way.

However, the random folks who were thrown my way by the very kind folks at Gorilla Mask were not quite so courteous or respectful. They represent the sad truth about the Internet; rather than foster greater communication between individuals, at times the Internet represents the ultimate tool in non-communication. You are capable of speaking out, saying a good deal, without actually having to say anything at all. Removing people from one another's physical or at least sensible presence removes any need to actually exchange ideas.

Let's take, for example, this thread concerning my list from DVD Talk, a forum I have not visited previously made up of angry, uncouth film fans.

The members of DVD Talk do not like my list. Among the adjectives they use to describe it are "lame" and "shitty."

When they agree with a movie choice on the list, like Blazing Saddles, Big Lebowski or Fight Club, they invariably claim that I have picked the wrong quote. This seems odd to me - I would imagine that just seeing a film you like on a list like that, regardless of the quote, would confirm your positive feelings about that movie. Apparently, the only reaction I caused in this group is sheer, unadulterated rage.

Here's a sample comment:

"My God. I haven't been fucked like that since grade school." - Fight Club is WAY, WAY more offensive than"Bob had bitch tits." in myopinion at leat.

This very well may be true. Maybe the use of "Top 70" instead of "My 70 Favorites..." or "70 Notable Quotes..." or something is what threw people off. I just picked the quote that made me laugh the most the first time I saw Fight Club.

In fact, I've always thought the "fucked like that since grade school" line in Fight Club was among the weaker one-liners. I preferred the original line Chuck Pahlaniuk told me he wanted to use, but which was vetoed by the studio - "Tyler, I want to have your abortion."

But you see what I'm saying...What does it matter if I included a line that's not your favorite? It's just for fun! Here's another sample:

These are terrible choices.

If I were to choose a Big Lebowski quote, it would be "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger up the ass!"

A good one, and one I considered. Hell, that movie has about 500 funny quotes I could have pulled for the article. I just picked one that I liked, and that my friends quote frequently. (Honestly, I say "Dios mio, man" in conversation more than "this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass."

But, seriously, terrible choices? Terrible? We obviously agree that the movie is good, and worthy of inclusion. So the fact that I different slightly on which quote is the best makes my taste terrible?

Most of the negativity, though, results from my not including a few key movies that people tend to feel must be included on a list such as this. Here are the top picks for M.I.A. and unquoted films.

#1. Boondock Saints

I had no idea so many people loved this movie. Over and over again, on the comments section here at CBI and forums around the 'Net, people are complaining I didn't include Boondock Saints. Honestly, I have seen the film, and didn't loathe it like many people I know, but I didn't feel like it was any great shakes, or even particularly quotable. And those quotes that have been suggested, particularly one about "I can't walk down the street without seeing 9 people you fucked" probably wouldn't have made the list even if I remembered it.

#2. Shaun of the Dead

I just plain don't like this movie, so I wouldn't include it. The comedy totally didn't work for me, and it felt a bit limp as a horror film.

#3. Reservoir Dogs

This is an obvious one. I left it off the list because I already had Jackie Brown, Pulp Fiction and True Romance on there, and I didn't want it to seem like QT was totally dominating the list. If I were going to include one, though, it probably wouldn't have been the big, obvious, popular choice. I would have likely gone with "They're not gonna catch you because you're Super Cool. You're fucking Baretta. They don't know shit."

#4. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Are you goddamn kidding me, Internet? This movie ain't no good.

But, again, do you see my point? It's not that I can't take some criticism. It's a silly list I threw up on the Internet, it's not really so important that people can't tell me it's stupid. My ego will survive.

It's that the criticism itself is so lame. I mean, calling me an idiot because I left Jay and Silent Bob off of my list? That movie's total dreck! If people are gonna call me a moron, there should at least be the semblance of a reason.

"What are you looking at butthead"
OMG I'm offended
that moron needs to lay off the crack pipes

That's a direct comment from a guy named Canadian Bacon.

Well, CB, if you'll look at the name of the list, it's not the Top 70 Most Offensive Quotes. The word offensive appears NOWHERE in the article. It's rude, profane or inappropriate. And calling someone a butthead is rude. Plus, I've always really liked that quote and that movie.

But you're right...I should lay off the crack pipes.