Kill Chavez!

So, Pat Robertson went on TV the other day and, well, he did kind of a silly thing. He called on the US military to assassinate a foreign leader, Hugo Chavez of Venezuela. I'd like to stress that I have seen a video, available at this link, and that those are his exact words. It's not, like, "man, I wish the US would finally do something about that democratically-elected sovereign leader..." It's "the US should go kill the fuck out of this democratically elected national leader, and then defecate on his corpse, having remembered not to make a BM for at least 3 or 4 days prior."

Okay, really, this is what he said on Monday's 700 Club:

“We have the ability to take him (Chavez) out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability.”

Pat Robertson wants the guy dead. I don't know, maybe Hugo Chavez fucked Pat Robertson's dog or something...It definitely seems personal, is all I'm saying. Maybe, instead of left-wing South American leader Hugo Chavez, Robertson was thinking of influential civil rights activist Cesar Chavez. He's got to hate that guy, and he is really stupid and might not know that he's been dead for a long time.

Anyway, the whole article is pretty funny and ridiculous. I mean, here you have a religious leader calling for America to go around murdering heads of state who disagree with the president. Isn't that bizarre? It's like a weird "Twilight Zone" episode, where a guy wakes up in a town where bikers are pious and friendly while priests are shotgunning beers and raping old ladies.

Of course, Pat was referencing the oft-overlooked passage Luke 43:12:

"And those that eat naught but beans and fried bananas, and that dance naught but sexy, forbidden erotica-type dances, shall be henceforth ugly in my site, and they shall be smoten by the mighty tribes of my people. Or smitten. No, smote, smote, I'm pretty sure it's smote."

So, there you go. Biblical proof! You can't refute that! It's Biblical!

My friend Kaz also helpfully pointed out to me this quote from Rumsfeld:

“Our department doesn’t do that kind of thing. It’s against the law. He’s a private citizen. Private citizens say all kinds of things all the time.”

Their department doesn't do that kind of thing...because it's against the law.

Why throw that in? Why not just keep it as a moral principle - don't kill the democratically-elected leaders of countries with whom we aren't actually at war. You need a law to tell you that? Should we be worried about you guys?

I think he's just taunting foreign heads of state, really. It's only a flimsy little law keeping him from sneaking up on them late at night and strangling them with piano wire. He wants them to think he might snap at any moment and just take one of them out. Perhaps even hunting them for sport.

"Oh, Norwegian Prime Minister Kjell Magne Bondevik, you better hope my government don't ever repeal that Gerald Ford Executive Order barring the assassination of foreign leaders. Cause if they do, your ass is so mine. Lance Henricksen and I are gonna nail you to the wall, boy!"

And while we're on the subject of asshole right wing spunk monkeys, Chris Matthews replacement on "Hardball" is, if you can imagine such a thing, actually more vile than Chris Matthews.

MSNBC's senior White House correspondant Norah O'Donnell, in a conversation with Democratic Congressional candidate Coleen Rowley, repeatedly referred to anti-war protesters as "extremists."

Repeatedly. Even after Rowley corrected her.

Here's O'Donnell's actual question:

You're a Democrat running for Congress. It was reported that Republican leaders in your state were just thrilled that you had decided to align yourself with anti-war extremists. Do you think that this could affect your race for Congress?

First, please note her use of the same old stupid Fox News tactic of using "it was reported." They also like "some have said." This is a way for the interviewer to insert their viewpoint while pretending to be objective and fair. As in:

"Some have said that Norah O'Donnell pays vagrants to vomit in her mouth."

Who "reported" that Republican leaders were thrilled that Democrats were going with an anti-war platform? Some Republican asshole, who made it up, most likely. Or maybe they heard it from Karl Rove via Judy Miller.

And, of course, she refers to the protesters at Camp Casey, outside Bush's ranch in Crawford, as "extremists." Rowley corrects her:

Well, I will quickly correct the record that they are not anti-war extremists. The majority of the people I saw down in Crawford were actually veterans groups. There were military families and --

Then, O'Donnell interrupts her guest with the stupidest sentence I have heard all day today.

But, Coleen, they do oppose the war in Iraq, do they not?

Wait, what? So, if you oppose the war in Iraq, you are inherently an extremist? By definition, apparently.

Shall we go right into the damning statistics?

On one (question), 57 percent said the war has made the United States less safe from terrorism -- a number that has risen dramatically in just two months when 39 percent said the U.S. homeland was less safe.

On the other, 54 percent said they believe it was a mistake to send U.S. troops to Iraq; 44 percent said it was not a mistake.

So, 54% of Americans felt, as of August 5th, that becoming involved in the Iraq War was a mistake. 57% feel that the war has made America less safe.

That's really all Cindy Sheehan's saying. She is upset that her child had to die for Bush's mistake, and she's demanding an explanation. THAT'S IT. What's extreme about that? Nothing. The country is basically split down the middle on this issue.

I'd say, in order for a viewpoint to be considered "extreme," it would be held by less than 5% of all Americans. Like people who think neck tats on a girl are extremely sexy, they hold an extreme position. People who masturbate to nature videos. People who passionately love those direct-to-DVD movies starring rappers. People who don't get "The Simpsons," and think The Big Lebowski is overrated. People who like the taste of Mr. Pibb and the feel of burlap on their skin.

Those are extremists. People who think the Iraq War was a mistake are something else. Sensible.