Yeah, I had my own comic book for a while. Not any more, though. They're too busy running 100 different variations on Batman. Seriously, it's really lame. I mean, I'm pretty much Superman's best friend. Cause he doesn't really hang out with too many other guys, from what I can tell.
I mean, I don't know if he's even ever met my colleague Clark. But that guy's so mild-mannered, even people who've met him sometimes don't remember him. Maybe it's those big glasses.
Anyway, Superman's been off fighting al-Qaida and looking for Osama bin Laden, so he hasn't really been kicking it in The Met lately. It's weird, cause you'd think there'd be a huge crime wave, what with Superman not around to protect us, but I think the villains have all gotten used to fighting him at this point. It's like, what's the point of throwing a gas truck at a crowd of people if Superman's not gonna fly out from behind a building and lift it away to safety?
So things have been pretty quiet around here. Mostly, people have been talking about how Bryan Singer's filming the new Superman movie here in town. Seriously, though, movies set in Metropolis are always so gay. They only shoot the most recognizable stuff, like the Statue of Freedom on the Empirical State Edifice. They always miss the cool, kind of seedy underbelly that gives The Met its charm.
And don't even get me started on the fruit who's playing me in the new film. Have you seen this guy? Check out his IMDB page...
He was in BOTH Detroit Rock City and Jungle 2 Jungle, man. And now he's gonna play ME, The Olsen? I mean, say what you will about Marc McClure in the original flicks, but at least that guy's been in some other films. Not like this jackass. Plus, he just looks like a pansy. My defining feature is my rugged good looks.
How is that guy gonna look standing next to freakin' Superman. How am I supposed to get any ass once this movie comes out? That's what you get for befriending someone in the public eye, I guess.
Oh, one Superman story before I go...So, Superman and I are eating at the Soup Plantation, like we always do on Wednesdays, and unbeknownst to us, Parasite has snuck in the kitchen and replaced Supes' baked potato with a huge nugget of freaking kryptonite.
But here's the weird part. Supes was, like, 3/4 of the way done it before he even realized what he was eating. But after he knew, he got, like, totally sick everywhere. He even threw up on this one old Asian lady. Gross!
Anyway, I guess that means he's not really allergic to that stuff, and it's all in his head, which is kind of weird seeing as how Luthor was always able to use it against him (and that guy who was made of Kryptonite or something...or maybe it was just his heart...this stuff gets confusing!) We totally laughed about it later, after he regained consciousness.
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