Curse You, Ball!

I said in this other post about the finale of "Six Feet Under" that I was somewhat upset by them showing you the fates of all the Fishers in the last 10 minutes. You may recall, as well, that I linked to the Salon article in which the critic discussed her theory, that Claire merely imagined all of those deaths while she drove away from LA for her new life in New York City.

Well, not to rub it in, but I was right and Salon lady was wrong. Nyeh nyeh.

HBO has just posted "obituaries" for every member of the "Six Feet Under" ensemble.

Ruth Fisher was born in Pasadena in 1946 and died at Good Samaritan Hospital of Glendale on Wednesday. She graduated from Pasadena High School in 1963 and stayed home to raise three children before opening the Four Paws Pet Retreat in Topanga Canyon twenty years ago.

See? She said she wanted to open a pet-sitting service in the final episode! Get it? They all went on to lead rich, full lives in which all of their mid-show dreams came gloriously true!

It just kind of seems to violate the whole spirit of the show, to make the fates of these characters "known" to the viewers when the whole theme of the show was fear of the unknown, of the future, of death. Their lives were so unpredictable from 2001-2005; abortions, bouts of schizophrenia, sex addiction, marriage and divorce, changes in sexual orientation, murder mysteries, rare brain diseases...

But in the long-term, they all wind up doing exactly what they always thought - Brenda becomes an academic studying psychology, Claire a brilliant photographer, Ruth a pet-sitter surrounded by loving friends, David and Keith a real family. Even BILLY seems to finally be at peace, and that guy was batshit insane!

I don't know why this bothers me. Maybe just because I'm still upset about the show ending, and I'm not terribly encouraged by the commercials we've seen thus far for "Rome."

I think I'm worried mostly about "Rome" because I doubt they're going to really go all the way with it. I'm sick of the Roman Empire being presented as "Masterpiece Theater," with old-timey British actors in togas standing around ionic columns discussing the best way to deal with encroachment of the Visigoth enemy and the proper levels of taxation on exported olives.

I want to see "Rome" depicted in the way David Milch depicts the Old West "Deadwood" - the harsh, rugged, unseemly side of Roman reality, only dramatized and heightened for television. Let me put it this way - if the series premiere doesn't have at least one scene set in a vomitorium, I'll be highly disappointed.

This is why I hate Gladiator. For a big, R-rated, violent epic film about the evils lurking beneath the majesty of Ancient Rome...it's so goddamn boring. I mean, big deal, the Emperor kind of has a thing for his sister. ("Rome" can't go there...They already did that on "Six Feet Under," and HBO doesn't want the reputation as The Incest Channel.)

This is the culture that brought us Caligula, people! This is the civilization that gave the world the orgy AND the bathhouse AND the concept of feeding Christians to lions. Now THERE'S an episode of "Rome" I'd watch!

It's not The Martyrdom of St. Ignatius, It's HBO.