Busto

As of this moment, "Big Brother 6" is the best reality show on television. I've watched a few episodes of "Inked," the tattoo parlor reality show, and it's okay. And I've seen a couple episodes of "Kill Reality," the reality show that reunites cast members from other reality shows and casts them in a bad horror movie. But "Big Brother 6" has them all beat.

For those of you not astute enough to keep up with the goings-on in the Big Brother House, the roommates at this point have split into two teams. One team, led by Howie (more on him later), is composed entirely of idiots, but they are funny, well-intentioned idiots who are likable. The other team, known as The Friendship (ugh), represent all that is obnoxious, overbearing and evil.

Though I enjoy the occasional reality show, I rarely find myself overly concerned with who actually wins. I tend to just enjoy watching the morons on the show bicker amongst themselves. But I have become seriously emotionally involved in the outcome of "Big Brother." All of my roommates have. The girls of The Friendship (and it's all girls, except for a gay man named Beau) are horrible. You can't not wish for their destruction.

Not just their removal from the house. Actual destruction.

Especially Busto.



Busto is the nickname given to this girl, April, by roommate Howie. See, April's team voted off Howie's friend Kaysar in a wicked double-cross. So Howie was mad, and vented his anger at team member April for no apparent reason. First, he told her she had a fat husband and an ugly dog. She seemed equally upset about both of those insults, which does not speak well for her husband.

Then, he started referring to her as a busted blonde, which of course was quickly shortened to Busto.

I like Howie on the show - he seems like the kind of funny doofus who would work in your office and who you'd occasionally go to lunch with, not too often because he could kind of get obnoxious after a while. But he went really far with the Busto thing.

He'd get right in April's face and puff his chest out and yell "Busto!" right into her face. It was hilariously cruel (or cruelly hilarious, I can't decide).

It also means this poor (and evil) girl April will be hounded by this nickname for the rest of her life. Everyone watching this show, should they ever see April in public, will immediately think to yell the word "Busto!" at the top of their lungs. It will basically be an involuntary reflex.

Yet another good reason never to go on a reality show where you have to live in a house with roommates. It's always going to make you look bad and humiliate you. Always.

Also, avoid ones with angry British guys.

I turned against The Friendship almost immediately. They're the kind of snotty mean-spirited fools that are always starting shouting matches with people, and then run out of insults almost immediately. Like:

"Michael, you are so immature."

"Hey, at least I have a chance of winning this game. Unlike you."

"Oh, yeah, well...you have a poop...face and I wanna like poop...right in your...poopy face you big...I'm voting you off!"

And this one girl, Ivette, has to filter everything through the fact that she is of Cuban heritage. Like, being Cuban is an excuse to do just about anything.

"Hey, y'all, I'm sorry I took the last slice of pizza, but I'm Cuban and we just be taking the last slice of pizza. And I didn't mean to start that fire that destroyed all of your worldy possessions, but we Latinas is just fiery, you know what I mean?"

It's like, you're just a contestant on a reality show, I don't really care where your family's from. Fine, you're Cuban. Babaloo. Now get on with the veto competition, goddammit.