Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am

According to excellent celebrity gossip blog The Superficial, Jessica Simpson, my second-favorite Simpson sister, has had sex with both Bam Margera and Johnny Knoxville while shooting the new Dukes of Hazzard film. Here's my question...what does Cooter have to say about all this?

And, yes, I said second favorite Simpson sister. Do you even have to ask why?

Yeah, the guys from "Jackass." Unbelievable. Those guys are friggin' geniuses. I used to respect them for getting tasered on television and turning it into fame, but now I worship them as gods.

Think about it. What is Bam Margera's marketable talent? Nothing. He's like a mediocre skateboarder with neck tats who's vaguely associated with shitty punk band CKY, okay? That's it. But he figured out that by getting into shopping carts and careening into shallow riverbeds, or playing mean pranks on his fat, bearded father and even fatter but unbearded uncle, he could become rich and famous enough to nail Jessica Simpson.

Does anyone remember, by the way, before Jess married Mr. 98 Degrees and got her own reality show, when she was all about Jesus? What would he have to say about some of these Dukes of Hazzard publiciy shots?



I guess God doesn't move DVD units quite like them Duke boys.

And can I just say, yowza. Young "Dukes"-era Catherine Bach may have some actual competition.