Bound to Happen Sooners or Later

A whole lot of people in Tulsa are really, really stupid.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Plus, you probably knew that already.

The Tulsa Zoo has an exhibit outside the elephant area. It features images of the elephant throughout world cultures - there's the elephant as a symbol of the GOP and so on. And one of the symbols is Ganesh, the Hindu god who appears in the form of an elephant.

Okay, fair enough. But some Christian jackass with too much time on his hands, appropriately named Dan Hicks, has now insisted that the Zoo put up a creationist exhibit. I mean, after all, they have a Hinu exhibit, right? RIGHT?

The Tulsa Park and Recreation Board voted 3-1 on Tuesday in favor of a display depicting God's creation of the world in six days and his rest on the seventh, as told in Genesis, the first book of the Bible.

The vote came after more than two hours of public comment from a standing-room-only crowd.

What a great idea! I mean, why else would children go to the zoo, other than for the opportunity for evangelical Christians to preach their bogus whackjob theories about the finger of God molding Adam out of clay? Certainly not to learn about animals.

I mean, seriously, a Creationist exhibit at a zoo? You're going to fuck these children's minds up for life. "Here are the meerkats. God made them small and wiry because he was displeased with them. For they had tasted of the Grass of All-Knowingness! Let this be a lesson to you children. And over there is a hippo, so called because that's what God wants us to call them."

Those who favored the creationist exhibit, including Mayor Bill LaFortune, argued that the zoo already displayed religious items, including the statue of the Hindu god, Ganesh, outside the elephant exhibit and a marble globe inscribed with an American Indian saying: "The earth is our mother. The sky is our father."

"I see this as a big victory," said Dan Hicks, the Tulsa resident who approached the zoo with the idea. "It's a matter of fairness. To not include the creationist view would be discrimination."

Bill LaFortune, by the way, is deeply offended of the idea of the Earth being his mother. If those dirty Native Americans can force their religion down our throats, why not give Christianity a chance to be heard? I mean, when will Americans start being able to talk openly about Jesus all the time, to the annoyance of everyone else? Don't preach to me, Leaps With the Buffalo! Get your hands off my God, you damn Apaches! Stop discriminating against poor unminorities like Dan Hicks!