Headline News

This is a pretty amazing story, but it has perhaps the most stupid headline of any news article I've ever seen.

Man Who Kept Mom in Freezer Had History of Odd Behavior

Hmm, that would be one way to say it. Yet another, more accurate, way would be "Man Who Kept Mom in Freezer Had History of Odd Behavior That Continued Into the Present." Or how about the even simpler "Odd Man Kept Mom In Freezer". Or even "Man Kept Mom in Freezer," because I'm gonna read that and basically assume he was odd. In fact, it would be more newsworthy if a sane man kept his mom in a freezer.

The behavior they proceed to list is pretty odd, but nothing's nearly as odd as the mom-freezer thing.

As a teenager, Philip Schuth was teased mercilessly by the other kids because his mother still walked him to school. As an adult, he lived with his mother, cut his backyard with a scythe, and once bought $150 worth of Spam in a single grocery store outing.

See, all that stuff is mildly odd, but in the cute, eccentric way some people are just peculiar. Nothing along the lines of dead parents in the icebox.

Investigators found the freezer — with a 200-to-300-pound block of ice inside it — at the end of an all-night standoff at Schuth's home.

The standoff began Friday when a 10-year-old boy told his father that Schuth had hit him and the family confronted Schuth at his home. Schuth pulled a gun and opened fire, according to authorities. The father was hit three times but was not seriously hurt.

That's actually the strangest bit right there. The father was hit three times but was not seriously hurt? Who is this guy, 50 Cent? How does that happen? You're standing in a living room, some guy pulls a gun at you, he fires at you three times and doesn't hit you anywhere that hurts? Unless he's a Stormtrooper, it seems unlikely.