Seacrest OUT!

According to the Drudge Report, ABC News has learned that Fox TV's massively popular show "American Idol" is a total sham. They've also learned that the new pope, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, is Catholic and are reporting on an exciting study which concludes that bears will occasionally shit in the woods.

No, seriously, Drudge breaks the story that "American Idol" may not be entirely on the up-and-up as if it were Watergate and a Clintonian blowjob all wrapped up into one. It gets a whole page with the word "EXCLUSIVE" written on it repeatedly and a huge picture of Simon Cowell. And here's the "big scoop" the fedora-ed one came up with:

At the center of the questions, the IDOL source claims, are the actions of show judge Paula Abdul.

"[ABC] is trying to say Paula somehow cheats and picks favorite singers to nurture, in violation of some sort of network standards," the IDOL source, who demanded anonymity, explains.

That's it? Paula nurtures certain contestants? What the hell is wrong with that? That's part of the show! They have obvious favorites which they admit to on-air. How does that make the show rigged?

I'm sorry, but there's not a story here at all. And I'm really ready to believe that "American Idol" is faked. I mean, I doubt very much that the music industry wants to trust the American people's whim with this many millions of dollars at stake. Look how much cash Ruben Studdard, Kelly Clarkson and Clay Aiken have brought in. Clarkson was just on "Saturday Night Live" this weekend. These kids come out after being on this wretched "Star Search" rip and sell millions of albums.

So, yeah, I don't doubt the producers pick a few candidates who have the requisite looks as abilities to work as a marketable pop star right from the start of the season. (This isn't really that hard when you think about it...we're talking about a career field in which both Nick Lachey and JC Chasez don't simply find work but thrive). I just kind of assume that all reality shows are set up in this way.

That's why you can't really fault reality TV for being uncreative. You can fault it for many things, primarily for seeking out the worst of humanity to scrutinize for up to an hour a week. But you can't fault it for not being made with a great deal of creativity, intelligence and savvy. These shows don't just produce themselves...Behind every "America's Next Top Model" is some very adroit scumbag.

But front page news, such behavior is not. I would imagine Drudge could do a little better than this for an exclusive at this stage of his career. Surely Arnold Schwartzengger's been groping somebody. Find them! There's your exclusive!