Just Think, The Colonel Only Used 11 Herbs and Spices

A 66 year old British grandmother has been arrested for serving meals to her neighbors and friends laced with marijuana.

I'm going to type that again, because it's such a cool sentence.

A 66 year old British grandmother has been arrested for serving meals to her neighbors and friends laced with marijuana.

This is true! I read about it in the Mirror, which is from the UK and not America, so there's a chance it might actually be true, and not based on some Republican talking point.

Patricia Tabram, according to the article, starting cooking with God's Gift to Lazy College Students Everywhere after suffering from a painful back injury following a car crash. But she kept doing it because it's so goddamn fun. And she started serving it to her friends because...well, the article doesn't say. Maybe she forgot it was illegal. If you smoke enough, this is entirely possible, trust me. Or maybe she was just trying to make a point:

"I believe cannabis should be made legal for medical reasons - it's a natural herb. It has given me pain relief, as it has for my other friends who are suffering from MS and other conditions. If they send me to jail, I can finish writing my book, Grandma Eats Cannabis - about the merits of medicinal herbal cannabis."

Okay, so Gram sounds like something of a nutter...I certainly wouldn't buy a book called "Grandma Eats Cannabis." Now, "Grandma Takes Sick Tokes Out Of Her Double-Barrelled Skull Bong," that would probably rocket right to the top of the NY Times Bestseller List. You know you'd at least check out that inside flap.

Okay, last part of the article I'll repost:

On the last raid, police found 242 grams (8.5oz) of the stronger skunk variety of the drug, worth around £850.

She revealed she bought it from contacts through various cafes. One dealer told her: "You look like a woman I can trust."

8.5 oz? What's she cooking, Weed Turducken? She's a grandmother...how could she possibly require 8.5 OUNCES of pot at a time? I don't know if you're all up on your quantities of drugs, but 8.5 ounces of pot would take a young male stoner of around my height, weight and build 7 or 8 months to smoke. And that's if they smoked every day, fairly relentlessly.

But, you know, I'm just guessing. I don't do drugs because they make Baby Jesus cry.