You've heard of the Vermont Teddy Bear Company? They advertise on Howard Stern all the time. It's a company, out of Vermont...with me so far? And what they do is, they send your loved one a themed stuffed bear to commemorate a special occasion. See, it's more witty than flowers, because it's a bear. With a costume on. And it's from Vermont.
Anyway, the VTBC (fun with acronyms!) has been asked to stop sending out its Theme Bear "Crazy for You." This bear comes wearing a straight jacket with a little heart on it. Get it? The stuffed bear loves you so fucking much, it has literally gone insane. I guess it realized it was just a plushed knick knack, and thus unworthy of the love of an actual human being, so it has withdrawn into a nightmare world of drugs and despair, a la Pink Floyd's epic prog-rock masterpiece The Wall.
Or, you know, it's just a novelty stuffed bear from the Home of Howard Dean and Maple Syrup. Who knows for sure?
So, groups are asking the VTBC to stop issuing this bear because it's offensive to mentally ill people. Really. Remember, this is a stuffed bear in a straight jacket. And the straight jacket has a heart on it.
Mental health advocates have called for the company to stop selling the bear, calling it "tasteless" and saying it stigmatized the mentally ill. Gov. Jim Douglas called the bear insensitive and inappropriate.
The Governor weighed in on this. So, there's nothing pressing at all going on in Vermont, then? Everything's taken care of? All the children have adequate health care and know how to read, then? We've got time to comment on the current state of politically incorrect toys and gifts?
And is it really tasteless to put a stuffed bear into a straight jacket? I mean, it demonstrates a lack of taste in an aesthetic sense. If you want something like that, or worse yet, if you pay money for it, you're basically a goober with no "taste." But I'm not sure that's the meaning implied in the statement of unnamed "mental health advocates." I think they mean it's crass, as if crazy people are going to be offended.
Who thinks of themselves as proudly wearing a straight jacket? I mean, is this really something people get offended about? Their right to be committed to a nuthouse? Is some wack job in an asylum somewhere going to see this bear advertised on TV and find it an affront to his right to hurl his own feces at people in the rec room or something?
Here's the weirdest part of the article:
The $69.95 bear, which is accompanied by commitment papers, is selling well despite complaints that it insults and stigmatizes those with mental illness.
$70! It's a stuffed bear with a straight jacket on. I guess I'll have to give you people a look at what we're talking about here:
$70? It better be able to play X-Box games or something for that kind of scratch, because I've never seen a teddy bear I'd pay more than $3.00 for. And even that would have to be an amazingly fucking cool teddy bear, the kind of teddy bear a grown man wouldn't be ashamed to whip out at parties to impress his friends. It would have to be made at least partially of adamantium, is what I'm saying.
That heart really kills the whole "it's offensive" effect. What stereotypes about the insane is this bear vulgarly spreading? That they're incredibly wuvvable?
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