I just discovered Zach Braff's blog on the Garden State website. It's a real treat. He's so giving of his time, to update his blog with pithy little 300 word commentaries every 2 weeks, half of which are spent entreating his legions of followers to buy, of all things, Garden State on DVD! Available now! Look for it in Used racks across the country next month!
It's exactly what you'd expect from the Zach Braff blog. More of this guy attempting lamely to be adorable and win acclaim for his witticisms or whatever.
But it did give me an idea.
Since everyone thinks he's such a great writer, I thought, why not compare a typical Braff blog entry with something else, to see if his brilliant essence will find a way to shine through.
But what to compare it to? Of course! Slash fiction!
For those of you not familiar with the term slash fiction, it indicates pornographic stories (frequently but not neccessarily homosexual in nature) based on popular TV show or movie characters. Creative nerds apparently watch shows like "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," and then write out their kinky sex fantasies involving the characters in short story form, only to them publish these stories on the Internet for me to goof on, in the most gentle, teasing way imaginable.
And while I'm already looking up slash fiction, why not see if there's any slash fiction specifically about Zach's TV show, "Scrubs." Wow, there's 361 Yahoo results for my search of "scrubs" and "slash fiction." I guess the guy really is adorable.
Okay, so, here's the game. I'm going to type out 6 quotations, and you have to guess whether they're taken from Zach Braff's Garden State blog or Juliatheyounger's short story, "My Scrubs Slash."
I'll post the answers in the comments box below, and possibly tomorrow if I remain interested in this silliness.
1) My dog has developed a strut. He lifts his back leg when he walks in what I can only describe as a "Pimp-walk". The vet told me not to worry, he just has Soul.
2) I learned a great expression today. "Fit." It means hot!
3) Tears. One day you're going to wake up and find out that I'm fallible, just like everyone else, and its going to break your little heart, it will shatter your reality and you'll be all alone to pick up the pieces.
4) I decide to memorise what he says for later when I'm alone by myself, meditating.
5) I'm staying in a very nice hotel. It's so fancy; the bathroom has two toilets right next to each other. Not sure why. Seems awfully decadent to me. Either one is for peeing and one is for pooing, or it's to enable you and your loved one to go two-sies at the same time. I don't know, but I like it.
6) Well, just pretend I'm the naughty nurse in the tight little white number who just wants to bend over and take it in the ass.
Okay, okay, you guessed it. They're all from the Garden State blog. No, no! That's the joke. I kid Zach Braff, but it's only because I hate him.
As I said, check below for the answers, and good luck!
Okay, so, here are the answers:
ReplyDelete1) This is Zach Braff's blog. Isn't he hilariously wry?
2) Also the Braff blog. He just heard "fit" for the first time? Hasn't he been watching "Ali G."? He should, cause then he could tell people about it, and they'd think he's cool.
3) Slash fiction. It's Dr. Cox explaining to Braff's character, JD, that he's a normal guy just like everyone else. He has needs. Just because he's a great doctor doesn't mean he's not a human, people.
4) Slash fiction. JD memorizes the stream of dirty words Dr. Cox utters as he is, um, penetrated, for use later when he pleasures himself. Just like the real Zach Braff would do, only instead of remembering the words for when he pleasured himself, he'd write them down and then copy them exactly into a tortured screenplay about finding yourself.
5) Braff blog. See, it's cute how he's a grown man but he uses the words peeing and pooing. Cute, I tell you.
6) Slash. The GNR guitarist, not the type of fiction.