Work for Turge Babonet!

Sometimes, on Craig's List, you can find some truly wonderful, insane people.

If you don't know Craig's List (CL from here on), where you been, man? It's the Internet classified, basically, for every major North American (and soon international) city.

There are all sorts of funny classifieds on CL. If you want scummy guys looking for desperate women to do unspeakable acts to them, try "casual encounters." Ads for prostitutes? Try "erotic services." But some truly hilarious content can be found under "writing gigs."

Such as the following ad:

Babonet LLC seeking personnel

Hmmm...Babonet LLC, I think...I've never heard of it, but let me click ahead just to check it out some more. I am, after all, looking for work and, as you surely have noticed, simply brimming over with talent.

Following a link in the ad:

http://www.members.aol.com/turgebabonet/

I arrive at a cheesily designed website offering work for Turge Babonet. Specifically, I read the following:

MAN-ON-THE-GO Hollywood heavyweight A-List industry professional with mile-long track record seeks accomplished screenwriter to consummate pending/spec major studio script deal immediately if not yesterday. NO AMATEURS.

"Interesting," I think. "This sentence contains 5 cliches for "important member of the entertainment industry." (1) Man on the go, (2) Hollywood heavyweight, (3) A-list, (4) industry professional and (5) mile-long track record. I should read further."

But wait, I think...I should look up Mr. A-List himself, Turge Babonet, on IMDB! Surely, he must have some amazing credits, being 5-cliche important here in Tinseltown!

Get this...Turge Babonet doesn't appear on IMDB. Now, I personally know a guy who made it on IMDB. It ain't that hard. So, I had to Google Mr. Babonet. Get this...NOTHING. Nothing. On Google.

Everyone's on Google, man! I'm there, my Mom's there. That weird guy who hangs out on the corner near 7-11 and tells you about how the traffic cops steal his medicine while he's talking to the aliens probably gets more hits off Google than this blog. How could Turge, Hollywood A-Lister Turge Babonet not be on the Internet anywhere? I mean, check out this resume, from his website:

Turge Babonet, former Executive producer/Rediffusion France, Manager/Dokkorder AG Filmwerkes Berlin, Director/Israeli National School Of The Arts in Haifa, four times Cannes finalist, Biarritz gold medal, etc. etc. etc.

Three etceteras, people! Turge is that important.

But, seriously, this is the part that made me wipe the tears of happiness and joy from my eyes, the part of the whole story that just makes life on this miserable little rock of a planet worth living. Here's the description of the man Turge wants so desperately to hire as an assistant:

Applicant must be a TEAM PLAYER, take my direction, flesh out my concepts, nurture my ideas, humor my brainstorms, PLUS accomplish rewrite overnight if needed, get cappuccino, pick up kids at Soccer, etc. NO PRIMA DONNAS. Email a one page resume and first 2 pages of a sample screenplay - it must blow me away - or I will spit on it and hurl it into the trash. Grip me, thrill me, make me weep or I won't even read past the first SENTENCE. You may lose me on the first WORD if you're not good. I may not even OPEN your email if it doesn't have the right "feel." NO WANNA BE'S.

No wannabes! You absolutely have to be as famous and important as the un-Google-able Turge Babonet. No exceptions.

And you have to thrill him with the first 2 pages! Or he'll actively spit on your screenplay! And once a script has Turgespit on it, it's history in this town, baby, done! Over!

I can't stress enough the importance of you going to this guy's website if you need a good laugh. I'll post that address again:

http://www.members.aol.com/turgebabonet/

If this is a joke, bravo, sir. You are hilarious.

If not, Mr. Babonet, sincerely, please consider my application. I have a killer first two minutes, and I've already won six International Israeli Totally Not Fake awards...Just don't try to Google them, because for secrecy's sake, I've removed all evidence of myself from the Internet.