The Picture of Dorian Gay

Alabama, already leading the nation in illiteracy, infant mortality and moonshine-production, can now proudly boast that it's the only state to consider banning all books with gay characters in them.

Yes, this is true! State Representative Gerald Allen (the fetching specimin in the photo above) has suggested that Alabama ban all books from public libraries, including university libraries, which include gay characters. Actually, according to the wording of the bill, it would ban:

"the purchase of textbooks or library materials that recognize or promote homosexuality as an acceptable lifestyle."

So, of course the classic novel referenced in the headline would be gone, along with other great books like "Brideshead Revisited," "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof," "The Amazing Adventures of Cavalier and Clay," "Portrait of the Aritst as a Young Man," "LA Confidential," "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" and, of course, "Where's Waldo." Oh, come on, don't tell me you never wondered about THAT guy.

They want to keep these books from universities? The Crimson Tide can't handle any discussion of gay themes whatsoever? Do these people really think that they can extinguish homosexuality by throwing away all them swishy books? If we can take solace in one thing, and one thing only, about this heinous affront to free speech and common decency, it's that people in Alabama are at least still aware that there is a product called books, and that they occasionally include thoughts and ideas.

Clearly, the biggest problem isn't just that Alabama has elected a hate-filled bigot (though that is a problem). It's that this law grants the state government essentially complete control over what books can and can't remain in the curriculum. Representative Crotchety McCornpone (R) decides he doesn't like some new book, cause it's too "faggy" for him, and BOOM! Banned.

So, this law is stupid and blatantly unconstitutional, and probably designed to gain acclaim for Rep. Allen in the non-reality-based community rather than actually affect public policy. Hey, why not call him and let him know how stupid it is? Here's his home number: (205) 556-5310.