Monday, May 25, 2009

Terminator: Salvation Review

McG's attempt to jump-start the "Terminator" franchise is just ridiculously inept and just all-around terrible...one of those movies that just screams "turkey" from the opening shot onwards. Seriously, it's hard to believe, based on this film, that the guy had ever made any large-scale Hollywood film before in his life, even one as pedestrian as "Charlie's Angels."

The story is completely incoherent, both taken on it's own and considered alongside other "Terminator" films. After a brief prologue set in a prison in 2003, we open in 2018.  Skynet has control of the world's machines, and is waging a bloody war against the remaining pockets of human resistance, one of them led by John Connor.  Connor, over the course of the film, encounters a special and very strange Skynet project named Marcus (Sam Worthington), a machine that nevertheless believes he is a human.  Their meeting will drive most of the film's action, as well as its utterly predictable and ludicrous final twist.

Machines have spent 3 films going back in time to kill Connor before he can become a member of the resistance, and now that he is one...he seems to have no real leadership qualities and no idea what's going on.  Not sure what they were so afraid of.  Connor's team includes his wife, Kate (Bryce Dallas Howard), some guy named Barnes (rapper Common) and a female character played by an actress named Moon Bloodgood, who really doesn't have much screen time to make any kind of impression, and none of them seem to have any kind of genuine ability to FIGHT BACK against a global network of killing machines that can mass produce themselves.  Late in the film, the united team of John Connor and Marcus have significant trouble killing a single Terminator.  Why would Skynet fear these two?  They could just roll over them!  We've already seen a TRILOGY of films in which John Connor MUST be saved so he can become the future's greatest badass...Haven't we waited long enough to see him actually take charge and act like one?

This was, of course, the genius of James Cameron's original concept for the film "Terminator."...A film in which a few people fight back against a worldwide army of death-bots would be hard to engineer believably, particularly using the special effects of the mid 1980s...So Cameron set his film IN OUR OWN TIME with the complexities of the future war left to the viewer's own fertile imagination.  It works beautifully. 

Now that the future war is actually upon us, it's pretty clear no one working on the series has any idea how to conceptualize it and make it feel compelling and visceral.  (Also, someone really ought to tell them that you're still fucked if you're standing very close to a nuclear explosion, even if you're not in the actual building where it has happened.  John Connor stands less than a mile away from mushroom clouds like 3 times during this film, and Bale barely even registers a reaction...Isn't it at least uncomfortably warm?  Couldn't you at least have him hide in a fridge or something?)

Overall, Bale is excruciatingly poor, delivering (mostly just shouting) generic "action movie" dialog in his Batman voice. More than a few line deliveries received big laughs.  It feels like he sort of mentally checked out at some point, and just decided to play a vague action movie cliche rather than a character.  Worthington, perhaps realizing that he's portraying one of the least likable Hollywood protagonists in recent memory, barely registers at all.  It's just as well...What could you possibly do with this part?  He's a death row inmate who is executed in 2003 and wakes up in post-apocalyptic Los Angeles with no idea what's going on.  He's never even given a scene in which he can act "surprised" at what's happened to him.  Anton Yelchin's Reece is probably the highlight, though he's saddled with the bulk of the film's exposition ("Hey, you're in Los Angeles in 2018!  There's a war between humans and machines!  Look out, it's a [INSERT GENERIC TERMINATOR-SOUNDING ROBOT NAME HERE]!"  Plus he's trailed by a plucky mute kid the whole film. (A nod to Cameron's "Aliens"? A lame pointless plot device? Who knows?)

As a director, McG is...how can I put this...lousy.  He cannot set up a cool sequence or build suspense to save his life. He apparently doesn't even get what genre this is and unfolds each sequence like a horror film...Lots of really loud, chaotic gunfire, then all goes silent, then OMG LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU! A Terminator! And there's so much fake dust swirling around you can barely see anything anyway.

However, I honestly think that, hacktacular direction aside, the writing is the worst part. Whole plot threads are just abandoned without comment. Common and Bryce Dallas Howard are in a significant chunk of the movie but have no roles...literally no development, backstory or personality.  The series' trademark humor is non-existent. We build to a climax that's pointless and that we're even TOLD will be pointless.

In short, if it weren't dead already, "Terminator: Salvation" may have killed this franchise.  I have no idea where you take it from here, but I don't have any remaining desire to go along.  Boo.

Posted via email from LonHarris.com

Friday, May 22, 2009

Paris Hilton, Asher Roth, @shiralazar and, of course, Keyboard Cat, all on today's #TWIYT

I've never even heard of this "Asher Roth" guy but WOW...what a douchebag.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Adventures of the Bruce Willis-Bot in the Year 3000!

Kind of an interesting premise, although it invites comparisons to a LOT of other recent movies about androids.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Dr. Shine and Dee-Dee's ideas intrigue me and I wish to subscribe to their newsletter

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Zach Braff to write, direct and star in "Swingles"...and ruin my life

Zack Braff has absolute power in the land of the “Swingles.” According to Variety, Braff will direct the romantic comedy, which will be his first feature since 2004’s “Garden State.” The project already boasts leading lady Cameron Diaz, but Braff isn’t content with merely directing her. He will also be co-starring and rewriting the film.

“Swingles” centers on a bachelor who is dumped by his wingman. Having studied his “Top Gun,” the bachelor knows that he can’t fly solo, and he decides that his next pickup companion will be a wingwoman. Sounds like a plan, right? Not so fast. The new winglady is a “sharp-tongued” sort, and our bachelor can’t stand her. Of course we all know where this is probably going: loathing turns into love and things wrap up with a little “happily ever after.”

For the love of all things holy...Words fail. The thought of a movie in which Zach Braff studies "Top Gun" for romantic advice and tests its lessons in the field alongside Cameron Diaz reminds me of every nightmare I've ever had, times 500. I would rather direct myself in a snuff film.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

One of the 20 films coming out soon with "9" in the title looks cool (via @sweetums)

Animated movies are just getting more and more dystopian all the time. First, "WALL-E" was set on a future Earth covered in trash, now "9" is set on a future Earth covered in trash and monsters? By 2011, CG animated films will just be set in a pit filled with feces and jagged shards of glass. "The Legend of Shitglass: Chapter the First."





Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Whoopi Goldberg Calls Glenn Beck A 'Lying Sack Of Dog Mess'

Not typically a fan of the political commentary on "The View," which tends towards discussions about whether or not the world is flat, but Barbara Walters and Whoopi Goldberg's harassment of Glenn Beck is pretty glorious.

She also gets him to deny being a reporter and admit that he does not check facts. Sweet.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Bionic Commando Walkthrough

A lot of new walkthroughs going up at Mahalo this week...We've got a writer started on this new game, "Bionic Commando," which was originally an arcade game from '87 that was turned into an NES game in '88  This new game is a direct sequel to the classic game, and the first full BC game for any next-generation system.  (There was an enhanced remake of the NES game available on Xbox Live Arcade).  I'm not really familiar with the originals...

Haven't had a chance to play it yet, though I've heard the controls are kind of sluggish.  The graphics look pretty cool though, and I'm curious to see what that arm cannon thing does...

You can check out the full walkthrough here on Mahalo:

http://www.mahalo.com/Bionic_Commando_Walkthrough

We're also working on "Velvet Assassin" and "Terminator: Salvation" at the moment.  More to come on those...

Posted via email from LonHarris.com

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Bad Quizno's! That's a bad Quiznos!

2 Girls, 1 Sub? Are they kidding? Quizno's is now purposefully associating their brand with eating poo?

http://gawker.com/5261151/quiznos-taste-the-poop

You know Don Draper would not stand for this kind of thing.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Where Are Your Goddamn Brains?!?

Stay tuned for an EXTRA SPECIAL GUEST!

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Monday, May 18, 2009

My god, you mean to say that, should the worst happen, the VP will be at HIS OWN HOUSE??!?

Dick Cheney is getting a nuclear bunker. Or a spy tunnel. Or a helicopter landing pad. Or maybe nothing at all.

Rumours are rife in Washington about the nature of building work being carried out at the Naval Observatory, which includes the official residence of the vice-president of the United States.



But though regular blasts and construction traffic show that something is going on at 1 Observatory Circle, no-one will say what it is.

Yeah, I'm not saying that Joe Biden isn't prone to making stupid absent-minded gaffes. He does it all the time. In fact, Joe Biden says hilariously silly things so often, you don't need to invent them when they don't really happen.

Everyone has known since 2002 that Dick Cheney had a bunker built under his house. Because Dick Cheney was a paranoid motherfucker, and he was making a huge crazy racket under his house in 2002 when the thing was built. This is an article from the BBC back then...The first sentence of the lede is "Dick Cheney is getting a nuclear bunker."

Getting angry at Joe Biden for revealing this is like getting upset at Leonard Maltin for revealing that "Shakespeare in Love" beats "Saving Private Ryan" for Best Picture. That shit already happened...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/2559617.stm

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Sherlock Holmes Trailer (via @sketch678)

Not bad...Sort of Sherlock Holmes as a superhero...Downey Jr looks fun.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Story of Grizz and Dot Com (via @sweetums)

Tina Fey says Grizz and Dot Com are real friends of Tracy Morgan...And those are their real nicknames? Amazing...So amazing, in fact, I'm not sure I believe her.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

The Unknown Unknowns of Donald Rumsfeld

Today's must-read is Robert Draper's article for GQ on the fall and even further fall of former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. It's almost too surreal to believe. As Smithers once said, Rumsfeld went moved from ordinary villainy to cartoonish "super-villainy."

http://men.style.com/gq/features/landing?id=content_9217

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Friday, May 15, 2009

Who Watches the Watchmen Cupcakes? (via @caseymckinnon and @Kitta)

They look deliciously apocalyptic.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

On a new TWIYT, @shiralazar and I discuss Heidi Montag and respond to the Geek Nation #iamageek

Take that, people who play as bards in D&D! Ha ha!

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Danger Mouse And Sparklehorse Team Up With David Lynch

You can hear this album - a collaboration between DJ Danger Mouse, Sparklehorse mastermind Mark Linkous, director David Lynch and gusts including Frank Black, Iggy Pop, the Flaming Lips and Grandaddy's Jason Lytle - streaming on NPR. I'm listening right now...

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=104129585

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Thursday, May 14, 2009

In fairness, Schumer was legislating using his Jew Claw at the time...

A Republican state lawmaker hoping for his party's nod to run for Senate reportedly referred to Democratic Sen. Chuck Schumer as "that Jew" during a recent appearance before a Republican group.

State Sen. Kim Hendren told The Associated Press on Thursday that he was wrong to refer to Schumer's religious affiliation during a Pulaski County Republican Committee meeting last week. Hendren said he doesn't remember the exact wording of his comment, but he was quoted by conservative blogger Jason Tolbert as calling Schumer "that Jew."

"I ought not to have referred to it at all," Hendren told the AP. "When I referred to him as Jewish, it wasn't because I don't like Jewish people."


Diamonds, Daisies, Snowflakes,
That Jew
Chestnuts, Rainbows, Springtime...
Is That Jew
He's tinsel on a tree...
He's everything that every Jew should be!

Sable, Popcorn, White Wine,
That Jew
Gingham, Bluebirds, Broadway...
Is That Jew
He's mine alone, but luckily for you...
If you find a Jew to love,
Only one Jew to love,
Then he'll be That Jew too...
That Jew!

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

"The Road" trailer looks epic and intense

Can't wait to see this one...I should probably read the book first. Looks downright frightening...

http://www.slashfilm.com/2009/05/14/the-road-movie-trailer/

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Brent Barry's foot is one degree from Kevin Bacon!

Not sure why this video of Leo DiCaprio and Kevin Bacon cowering in fear at their near-creaming in the front row of the Laker game the other night is so funny...but it is. Enjoy.

http://www.tmz.com/2009/05/13/rockets-get-crushed-take-it-out-on-dicaprio/

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Jezebel - Casey Wilson "Reads" Internet Comments - Casey Wilson

LisaNova did this same bit a while back, but it holds up. Casey Wilson reads YouTube comments...(Watch until the end!)

http://jezebel.com/5252587/casey-wilson-reads-internet-comments

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

He's the Best Around...Nothing's Gonna Ever Keep Him Down...

Meet Masanobu Sato, world masturbating champion. Actually, don't meet him. Cause that will just encourage him.

http://blogs.sfweekly.com/thesnitch/2009/05/masturbate-a-thon_champion_spe.php

I am amused by the World Masturbatory Circuit's firmly (ahem) held belief that, if you speak about it formally, in terms typically used to describe track meets or athletic challenges, a masturbate-a-thon does not sound like a whole bunch of dudes whacking off together for an entire day.

I also love that this is what it took to outdo competitive eating. First, guys compete to see who can eat the most. Then, guys compete to see who can jerk off the longest. And we all know what comes next...Competitive pangs of regret and sadness, followed by competitive fitful sleep.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Kanye Wants Less Twitter, More Fishdicks (via @heif by way of @sirgutz)

Yeah, Internet? I'll take way more insane spittle-flecked Kanye West rants, please...with a side of Blingees.  'Preciate it.


Posted via email from LonHarris.com

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Facebook Shouldn't Have to Censor Holocaust Denial

Facebook's failure to ban groups that promote Holocaust Denial has created something of a stir on tech blogs this week.  Brian Cuban makes a passionate argument against Facebook's policy here, and Michael Arrington takes up the discussion here.

These guys thoughtfully argue that Facebook has set a dangerous double standard.  The company censored a group dedicated to breastfeeding, but refuses to censor a group that actively promotes antisemitism.  They are correct.  This IS a ludicrous double standard.  There is nothing wrong with breastfeeding - it's an entirely natural activity that women should be allowed to openly discuss in any public forum - but there are many things wrong with Holocaust Denial.  The main one being, that it's totally wrong, and the Holocaust happened, and it needs to be discussed and remembered.

But I think Arrington, Cuban and others are approaching this argument from the wrong perspective.  In essence, this double standard exists because Facebook SHOULD NOT have censored discussion of breastfeeding, not because it SHOULD censor discussion of Holocaust Denial.  BOTH discussions should be allowed to take place on the site, to my mind.

In my opinion, Facebook shouldn't censor speech unless it's absolutely vital.  The discussion should only even come up in extreme cases...Essentially, anything that could cause direct, immediate harm to another individual or group of individuals. Instructions on how to make a weapon or commit a violent crime, requests or orders for group members to go out and commit crimes, private information such as Social Security numbers that must not be made public...That kind of speech would understandably be removed from Facebook. 

But, like it or not, a massively-popular website dedicated to free and open discussions will, eventually, attract some odious and repellent contributions.  There are a lot of sick people out there who use the Internet say horrible, untrue, offensive things.

The best antidote to something like Holocaust Denial is not censorship...Quite the opposite.  There is no evidence supporting Holocaust Denial.  Anyone armed with THE TRUTH should be able to outsmart its proponents.  Shine a light on these sorts of pernicious lies rather than trying to hide them.  The cover-up only grants them unearned legitimacy.  Intelligent people who feel strongly about pushing back against hateful lies like Holocaust Denial should confront their real enemies - Holocaust Deniers - publicly, pointing out their factual, logical and moral errors for all to see.  Why cover up something that can be so easily refuted? 

Facebook has now painted itself into a corner by censoring the breastfeeding stuff.  Now, they have no choice but to go around censoring any material that a considerable majority of the site's users might find objectionable or offensive.  This is not an enviable position.  Far better to be very very permissive about what can be discussed on Facebook, limiting censorship ONLY to those discussions which present a direct and immediate threat to the safety and well-being of individuals or groups.  (Holocaust Denial, while offensive to Jews, does not put us in any kind of immediate danger.  People have hated Jews for millennia and we're still here.)

Posted via email from LonHarris.com

"Whatever Works" Trailer

This looks amazing. I cannot wait to see it. Larry David plus Woody Allen...How could it not be genius? Already one classic Woody-ism in the trailer:

"I'm dying!...Not now, eventually!"

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Friday, May 08, 2009

My Little Pony, Britney fans, Eminem, Chris Chan, Shaq, Denise Richards and guest host @Andrearene all on TWIYT #44!

Enjoy. I'm very proud of all the TWIYT episodes, but feels like we're really hitting a stride the past few weeks. Much credit to my amazing co-hosts and editor-director double threat Kenny Chen.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Washington Capitals star Alex Ovechkin officially scared of angry dweebs

The post, reportedly written by a teenager from Chambersburg, Penn., said: "I'm killing Ovechkin and I don't care what happens to me."

The Penguins immediately informed local police, as well as the NHL and the Capitals.

"We were notified of the message and immediately turned over all information to the authorities," the Penguins said in a statement.

It is not known if criminal charges are pending, but officials don't believe Ovechkin was ever in any real danger. Ovechkin was aware of the threat, but did not comment when the incident was first reported by a local television station in Pittsburgh.

You've got to be kidding me...According to the latest research I've made up, Internet users threaten to metaphorically "kill" celebrities on the web at least 500 cajillion times per second.

I don't know, before you report this to the news media and get them on the case, maybe you ought to investigate a bit and discover whether this kid, is, like, living in his own filth and carving a pistol out of plastic...or if he's just an angry hockey fan ranting on a message board somewhere.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

X-Men Origins: Wolverine: The Abridged Script

PETER O’BRIEN

Shh, it’s alright son.  You’re safe now, back in Canada in 1845.

YOUNG HUGH JACKMAN

Wait, what?  Canada wasn’t even a country until 1867.  Has Hollywood managed to not discover Wikipedia yet?

It's smarm-tastic!

http://www.the-editing-room.com/wolverine.html

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Barry...I Thought I Told You To Die...

I would pretty much pay to see "Slaughter Shack" if it were a real film, for the cast alone.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Compliments of @mjgprod...The new "Between Two Ferns"...

Brilliant, as always. Galifianakis deserves to be America's most beloved talk show host...Networks, make this happen!

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Keyboard Cat is a National Treasure

Lots more here:

http://playhimoffkeyboardcat.com/

Probably my favorite meme of 2009 thus far.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Bradley Cooper to star as Hal Jordan in "Green Lantern"

I've just spent the last hour or so on the phones, tracking down a rumor I heard, and HitFix can exclusively report that Bradley Cooper is now one of the guys most likely to don the suit and slip on the power ring as The Green Lantern for director Martin Campbell.

Blech...Something about this guy just bugs me. I'm not sure what it is. Just feels like he was a bit TOO well-cast in "Wedding Crashers" as the world's most oversized douche...

Interesting that adversaries in Vince Vaughn movies are always played by guys who are big douches in real life, as well as films. Jeremy Piven, Craig Kilborn and Cooper...The list goes on and on...

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Is the Kindle DX too big?

I say...maybe. I know a nice big screen probably makes for more comfortable reading...but at this point, you might as well just carry a book around with you. Isn't the whole point of a Kindle that you can take your reading material with you easily wherever you go? Lugging this thing around is like having a laptop, which you can already use to read books if you so choose.

Am I missing something?

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Wolverine Walkthrough

Mahalo's new "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" walkthrough is coming along swimmingly. Follow our progress here:


http://www.mahalo.com/X-Men_Origins_Wolverine_Walkthrough

I like Hugh Jackman in these films, but the movie was not great. Felt really scattered, like an attempt to just rehash information about Wolverine's past that had already been established in "X2," and then distracting fans with lots of extraneous mutant fighting. (A scene in which Wolverine faces off against Blob for no good reason is the most obvious offender, though Gambit is also awkwardly wedged in there unnecessarily).

If these fights were really epic and brutal, I'd probably be willing to forgive the overall lack of coherency, but they're choppy and largely unexciting. Often, you feel like most of the best individual shots and moments, such as Wolverine actually taking out a helicopter, are being edited out of the scene, so all you see is build-up and no pay-off.

Anyway, the game looks more fun, but after teh disappointment of the "Iron Man" tie-in, I'm going to wait and see what the public verdict is before investing.

Mahalo's guide is going to be VERY thorough. Where to find all the hidden costumes, action figures, dog tags...you name it. Which is good, because I hate when the game is easy but it takes forever because you have to find all kinds of dumb hidden crap.

Posted via email from LonHarris.com

"Star Trek" Review


JJ Abrams' new "Star Trek" film succeeds by negating all the films, TV shows, novels and other outlets for compulsive fan obsession that have come before.  That's not really a knock on old "Star Trek," necessarily, but it is something of an acknowledgment.  The way, it seems, to make a really kickass "Star Trek" film is to stop trying to make a "Star Trek" film and just make a science-fiction adventure with phasers and Vulcans.

Abrams, co-producer Damon Lindelof and screenwriters Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman clearly have no interest in exploring the high-minded, contemplative, ponderous tone of classic "Trek."  Likewise, patently refuse to wade through the years and years of backstory, exposition and technical explanations that would make it difficult for new writers to invent any fresh, original narratives.  So what we have here is a painstaking, delicate bit of cinematic surgery...All of the fun, pop culture aspects of "Star Trek" with none (and I mean NONE) of the features that distinguish it from any other science fiction franchise.

Here's how they do it...Time Travel!  I know, I know, you're shocked...The creators of "Lost" are trying to escape a tricky narrative dead-end by artfully employing a gimmicky time travel device?  NO WAY!  But it's true.  The set-up...A portal through time has opened, allowing the evil Romulan captain Nero (Eric Bana) to travel into history, to the time when Kirk (Chris Pine), Spock (Zachary Quinto) and the rest of the Enterprise crew were still trainees.  Stuck in the past, and filled with rage at an encounter with the Federation he had in his own time, Nero starts creating all kinds of trouble for the Federation.  When he abducts Commander Pike (Bruce Greenwood), who was captaining the Enterprise, he puts Spock and Kirk in command for the very first time. 

Fans of "Back to the Future II," of course, will realize that, because Nero has gone back in time and is screwing with past events, he has created an alternate future.  So Abrams, Lindelof and Paramount can, from here on out, pretty do whatever they want.  All those old stories with the original cast happened in a now-forgotten second reality that was erased the moment Nero and Co. were sent back in time.  Very crafty...

Hardcore fans may be offended by this attempt at what comic book readers call "retconning," the altering of established facts in a fictional universe to allow for new and different narratives.  I don't mind it so much.  Abrams' "Star Trek" is a very well-made, exciting summer popcorn film, and that's enough for me.  I was more entertained by "Star Trek" than any film in the series since "The Wrath of Khan."  It's fun.  You get the amusing banter between likable and familiar characters, phasers, catchphrases, Romulans, cool effects and photon torpedoes.  It's like a "Star Trek" film designed exactly for people who were vaguely familiar with the shows through cultural osmosis, or because they've watched a few of the movies on TBS while playing hooky from work.

The young actors are well cast, and generally resemble their Original Series counterparts, but only Quinto as Spock and Pine as Kirk seem to have really internalized the performances of their predecessors.  Pine has Shatner's vibe down so immaculately, on the other hand, I half expected him to get me an awesome deal on a hotel in San Francisco.  It's actually kind of amazing how seamlessly he incorporates classic Shatner-isms without resorting to the hacky "pause after every five words" routine immortalized in countless bad impressions.  John Cho, on the other hand, plays Sulu solely by being Asian and occasionally by steering the ship.  Simon Pegg has a few funny scenes in the film but makes absolutely no effort to "play" a character named "Scotty."  He just does his usual routine with a Scottish accent.

Aesthetically, everything's where it should be.  The inside of the Enterprise looks brighter and crisper than it ever has before (it is, after all, a brand new ship this time around), but it's not over-designed or made to look self-consciously "futuristic."  Abrams has also improved significantly as a director since "Mission: Impossible 3."  That film's big set pieces were choppy and flat.  "Trek" has at least 3 really large-scale, epic and memorable action sequences, including a very fast-paced, compelling opening battle and a pretty incredible sky diving scene that works in everyone's favorite "Star Trek" trope - the doomed red-shirted ensign.  It's just all reinvented to be snarky instead of sincere, and visceral instead of philosophical.

I've never been a huge Trek fan precisely because I find it a bit austere and over-serious.  Take Gene Roddenberry's basic aim - of creating a science-fiction series that grappled with weighty, metaphysical and socio-political themes - combine it with with syndicated TV-level acting and low production values, and you have a recipe for camp.  But still, I don't know if that means you just throw it all away..."Wrath of Khan" managed to be both Star Trekky and fun at the same time.

I'm reminded of "Quantum of Solace," an above-average James Bond film that nevertheless dispenses with nearly everything that makes James Bond James Bond.  Yes, there are tuxedos and martinis and a few gadgets, but at what point do you stop even making a James Bond film and just start doing a Bourne adventure with a British guy?  Abrams takes this question and explodes it - what if you took "Star Trek," invalidated everything that ever happened in it's universe, made all the characters significantly younger and forgot all about the show's major themes?  Would it still be "Star Trek"?  Well, what if you had a guy say he was "givin' her all she's got!," threw in some of the spaceships and occasionally played a riff on the theme song?  And if you have to change SO MUCH just to make it watchable, maybe it's time to leave "Star Trek" to the devotees and just start fresh?

Posted via email from LonHarris.com

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Get Your Walk Score


What is Walk Score?

We help you find a walkable place to live by calculating a Walk Score for any address.

Walk Score is a pretty clever idea for a website. You type in your address (provided you live in one of the 40 largest American cities) and it gives you a "walkability" score for your neighborhood. They also provide a list of the 138 most walkable areas in major cities around the country.

My neighborhood gets an 82 out of 100, which has got to be well above average for LA. I was surprised to see Downtown LA on the list as one of the nation's most walkable neighborhoods...not because there isn't a lot to DO in a relatively small area, but because it's largely gross. Apparently, aesthetic considerations do not factor in quite as much as sheer density of restaurants/parks/bars and other sites of interest.

Still, I could definitely see checking in with this resource if I were considering a move.

http://www.walkscore.com/

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Live Action ATHF will be amazing...


Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Opening a "Chicken in a Can" in front of a kid has got to be child abuse


Aaaaaaaaahhhh! Kill it, kill it!

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

The Breeders go from Fate to Fatal


Really loving this song from the new Breeders EP. (The rest of the disc is a-ight, though I can't say I'm loving the Bob Marley cover.) Mark Lanegan sings the second-best track, called "The Last Time."

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Woman says her Dad was the Zodiac Killer...and that she tagged along with him on murders!


Perez alleges that she was a naive 7-year-old daughter tagging along with her father during the killings.

"He told me he was sick and all I wanted to do was help my dad," Perez said. "He kept telling me he was sick and he killed many, many people.

"I had no idea."

The self-described Zodiac killer is blamed for at least five slayings in 1968 and 1969. He was never caught.

I only know about the case what you can glean from David Fincher's brilliant movie "Zodiac," but it seems odd that police wouldn't have been able to find ANY evidence that a 7-year-old child was at the scene of these crimes.

It certainly is never mentioned in the movie, which I had thought was based on the genuine police accounts of the crime. I mean, a 7 year old isn't going to touch anything? Leave a footprint? NOTHING?

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Don't Tweet Too Hard


Our very own @jasoncalacanis is at the top of today's "Tweeting Too Hard" leaderboard.  And it's only 10:20 am!  We're all gonna need to work together to help him maintain the top spot.

Posted via email from LonHarris.com

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Internet-Age Writing Syllabus and Course Overview


Prerequisites

Students must have completed at least two of the following.

ENG: 232WR—Advanced Tweeting: The Elements of Droll
LIT: 223—Early-21st-Century Literature: 140 Characters or Less
ENG: 102—Staring Blankly at Handheld Devices While Others Are Talking
ENG: 301—Advanced Blog and Book Skimming
ENG: 231WR—Facebook Wall Alliteration and Assonance
LIT: 202—The Literary Merits of Lolcats
LIT: 209—Internet-Age Surrealistic Narcissism and Self-Absorption

Hilarious bit from McSweeney's last week. Somehow this got overlooked.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2009/4/20lanham.html

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Ninja Blade Walkthrough


Mahalo just wrapped our "Ninja Blade" walkthrough. The game's visuals look kind of interesting, but I honestly haven't heard anything about it. The whole set-up just sounds like more survival horror. ("Mutant parasites invade Tokyo!") Thoughts?

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Keith Olbermann is 100% correct...so why am I still so irritated by him?


I'd say I agree with about 75% of the things Keith Olbermann says. And yet, I find him sanctimonious and annoying pretty much 98% of the time. His unbearable smugness is actually HURTING his cause.

Bill Maher is kind of the same way. I WANT to get behind these guys, because they are on the right side and have large platforms, but I just can't do it because I kind of want to just smack them in the face. It's on my nerves lately.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Stone and Douglas to re-team for "Wall Street 2: Back to the Boardroom!"


I guess Gordon Gecko will be going before Congress asking for bailout funds? One thing's for certain, Michael Douglas is "too old to fail."

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Where Swine Flu Comes From (via @cksample via @seanpercival)


Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Sunday, April 26, 2009

@JasonCalacanis brings you this special announcement. Is he the new CEO of I Can Has Cheezburger?


Seriously, vote for CauseCast. It's how the guy in that suffocating C mask would want it.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Saturday, April 25, 2009

PS22 Chorus "Eye Of The Tiger" by SURVIVOR (via @jasoncalacanis)


Adorable...

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Bea Arthur and Rock Hudson are turning on...


In honor of the late Bea Arthur, I present this bizarre, amazing old TV clip of the actress/comedian singing a song about drug use called "Sniff Swig Puff." Found via Pandagon:

http://pandagon.net/index.php/site/comments/bummer1/

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

You heard it here first, folks...Cats are fond of boxes...


My old roommate's cat, Sasha, LOVES him some boxes, too. If we ordered pizza, we had to be sure to keep an eye on it at all times, lest it be crushed under the weight of an orange housecat before we could finish it.

Also, the title is a reference to Norm MacDonald's classic impression of Larry King, that I feel may actually be BETTER than Kevin Pollak's interpretation:

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Watch TWIYT LIVE! Tomorrow morning at 10 am PST/1 pm EST.


A deluxe serving of new YouTube videos, awesome in-studio guests and the distinct possibility that I will forget we're being broadcast live and scratch myself between jokes. You don't want to miss this.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Pregnant Bank Robber Sought in North Carolina


Police are looking for a pregnant woman they say tried to rob a North Carolina bank at gunpoint but left empty-handed after answering her cell phone.

Fayetteville police spokeswoman Teresa Chance said Wednesday the woman had a handgun and demanded money when she entered a Carter Bank & Trust branch at 9:43 a.m. the previous day.

But she got distracted when her cell phone rang.

Police said she began talking to the caller and left the bank without taking any money.

Did anyone else read this and immediately envision the trailer it would have as a mainstream comedy, possibly starring Kate Hudson?

"Teresa Chance has a big problem..."

CUT TO: Hudson looking at her pregnant belly in the mirror:

HUDSON: I'm hideous!

"But that was just the beginning..."

LANDLORD: Who's the father?
KATE HUDSON: He's...out of the picture.
LANDLORD: Sorry, no bastards in my building...We need you out of the apartment by Friday.

"Now, to protect her new family, she's going to take the biggest chance of her life..."

CUT TO: Kate Hudson walking into a bank, pregnant, with a gun.

KATE HUDSON: Okay, everyone put your hands in the air, I guess, or something!

Kate's cell phone rings.

DOCTOR (on phone): We have some test results for you!

KATE HUDSON (into phone): Can't this wait? I'm sort of busy now, and I really have to pee!

BANK CUSTOMER: Do we still need to keep our hands up!

CUT TO: "The Fugitive"-style scene with cops standing around on a manhunt.

"But can a single gal take on the long arm of the law alone?"

SHERIFF: I need a hard target search of every Maternity Store, Baby Gap, ice cream parlor and public restroom in that area!

CUT TO: Hudson running into a door or something, like they do in every comedy trailer. (Here we'd also cue in one of those songs that's in every comedy trailer, like "Got My Mojo Working," "Walking on Sunshine" or that one that just goes "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!")

CUT TO: Hudson talking to her Mom from a pay phone.

KATE HUDSON: I just want to do what's right for my son!

KATE'S MOM: First, you just have to do what's right...

"From the producers of some crap like 'Bride Wars', Kate Hudson, Tommy Lee Jones and Annette Benning star in 'Expecting Trouble.' Rated R for dick and poop jokes."

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Let Me Twitter Dat


In case you haven't seen it yet, I'm Posterousing dis.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

St. Vincent's 'Actor'


NPR is streaming St. Vincent's entire new album. I'm only one song in so far, but I like it!

I also highly recommend this cover of Jackson Browne's "These Days" (also memorably covered by Nico).

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Monday, April 20, 2009

Their Brand is Crisis


Interesting posts about brands that will no longer exist after 2010. Some are kind of bittersweet. (I once worked at a Borders Books, and have fond high school memories of hanging out in their Mission Viejo store drinking coffee and reading books for free.)

One that I was surprised and delighted to see, however, was Crocs, the loathsome shoe company responsible for arguably the most irritating, ugly footwear in history. I mean, look at these fucking monstrosities. It's like wearing a MySpace page on your foot.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/04/17/twelve-brands-that-will-d_n_188368.html

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Sunday, April 19, 2009

I Made this ALF Blingee


It was part of a larger discussion, I assure you, but that's not an excuse. I must now leave the house before I do something I'll later regret.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

YYY's "Zero" on Letterman


I saw the Yeah Yeah Yeah's on Conan when "Fever to Tell" was coming out, and it was terrible. Kind of put me off the idea of seeing the band live, even though I like their first EP and full-length a lot.

Now I see this clip from Letterman the other night and they sound really good. Perhaps it was just an off night?

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Pee-Lectrocution


Gah!

http://www.kottke.org/09/04/it-hurts-when-i-pee

What I love about this image the most is the expression on the urinator's face. Is he surprised to feel a red line signaling "electricity" surging through his torso? Or is that just this author's interpretation of the face dude's make when we relieve ourselves. He's like the Mona Lisa of illustrations warning you not to pee on to wires.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Friday, April 17, 2009

Gotta Be Honest...This Could Kill Twitter for Me


Oprah's Twitter page is gross.

http://twitter.com/Oprah

I hate everything about minor celebrities like Ashton Kutcher attempting to ride Twitter to 12 extra seconds of notoriety.  (Make no mistake...This is not about charity or technology or anything else.  Ashton makes shit movies and shit websites and he is just latching on to a fad a few years late so that he can get on Larry King.  It's cynical and pathetic.  John Krasinski's on Twitter, too, but you don't hear him blustering about it every five minutes, because he can talk about his hit show and the movie he just directed.) 

But honestly, major celebrities with splashy Twitter ego pages may be even worse.  The one thing saving it for me is that I just don't have to follow any of these people, so I can sort of block it out.  But Diddy and the guy from "My Boss' Daughter" pontificating to CNN about technology like they're Jobs and Wozniak is just a lot to stomach.

Posted via email from LonHarris.com

The 30 Best Kanye West Blingees


How did they possibly settle on just 30?

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Goofy videos, @shiralazar, a HUGE announcement and me singing "Les Miz" on TWIYT #41


Tune in next Friday at 10 am PST/1 pm EST for the first-ever This Week in YouTube LIVE EDITION on UStream!

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Inappropriate!


I mean...differ from the President on Tax Policy if you must...but come on. This is hardly going to be persuasive.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Disturbing Strokes


I'll never be able to watch this show the same way.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Shorter George Will: "Men should dress like Fred Astaire! Video games rot your brain! Now get off my lawn!"


Denim is the infantile uniform of a nation in which entertainment frequently features childlike adults ("Seinfeld," "Two and a Half Men") and cartoons for adults ("King of the Hill"). Seventy-five percent of American "gamers" -- people who play video games -- are older than 18 and nevertheless are allowed to vote. In their undifferentiated dress, children and their childish parents become undifferentiated audiences for juvenilized movies (the six -- so far -- "Batman" adventures and "Indiana Jones and the Credit-Default Swaps," coming soon to a cineplex near you). Denim is the clerical vestment for the priesthood of all believers in democracy's catechism of leveling -- thou shalt not dress better than society's most slovenly. To do so would be to commit the sin of lookism -- of believing that appearance matters.

Jesus, this guy needs help. It's like one of those rare, asexual outbursts from Humbert Humbert. Maybe people like jeans because they are comfortable, George, and they wear them around town because they're not overly concerned with impressing your ignorant, crotchety old ass. Now go have an Ensure and a smile and leave the observational comedy to under-85's, anyone really whose understanding of American pop culture extends beyond the fucking Howdy Doody show.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Did you ever know that you're my hero?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Look at this fucking hipster


Posted via web from LonHarris.com

"Transformers 2" is totally Michael Bay's Best Movie Evar!!!!!


Wait...so it's better than "Bad Boys 2"? Is that even possible? How many large Cuban villages are decimated by brash, cocky American police officers in this film? Because, I'll be honest, post-BB2, that's my barometer of film quality.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Zooey Deschanel's Cotton Commercial is Annoying


Oooooh, she's so adorably indie! She still shops for records! She wears vintage dresses!

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Citizen Kane in stunning 3D!


If you have 3D glasses handy, this actually looks pretty good. (Yeah, we have 3D glasses sitting around in Mahalo HQ. Thanks, Eliot!)

Also: Way #13869 that you know people on the Internet are dumb...The blogger had to note at the bottom of the post that a 3D "Citizen Kane" is not coming to an IMAX near you.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Blitzen Trapper in a basement


If you haven't been listening to Blitzen Trapper, you're doing yourself a great disservice. I highly recommend 2008's "Furr."

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Japanese "Sideways"


Because stories about drunk losers who are stuck in the past and their sleazy, self-involved college buddies are universal.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Friday, April 10, 2009

300 Million for a new "Tron" movie? What else do I get with that?


The middle of an article from the Vancouver Sun contains this ditty: "Vancouver post-production units are salivating at the prospects presented by the Disney remake of Tron, which carries a whopping $300 million budget and opportunities aplenty for effects and digital polish." If Avatar's big price tag was a typo, I can only assume this is as well. It's the only thing that makes sense!

I mean, the original looks cool, and features Jeff Bridges. But come on. Are there THAT many people who will even recognize the name?

http://www.cinematical.com/2009/04/10/is-disney-really-spending-300-million-on-tron-2

Posted via web from lons's posterous

Thursday, April 09, 2009

@andreaball/Lady GaGa is my guest on This Week In YouTube #40!


Posted via web from lons's posterous

Nicolas Cage watches The Wicker Man


He can't have ever really watched this movie, right? It's excruciating for me to watch, and I was utterly uninvolved with the production. I can't imagine how it would feel to see YOURSELF up there on the big screen, punching old ladies wearing bear suits.

Posted via web from lons's posterous

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Awkward Boners are Back!


This site has changed the way I look at the Internet. Not boners, though. I still try not to look directly at those, if I can help it.

Posted via web from lons's posterous

Truly, You Have a Dizzying Intellect (via @iidiocracy)


A man faces an arson charge after telling authorities he wasn't thinking when he decided to use gasoline for cleaning up his apartment, and then tossed a lit cigarette into a pile of gas-soaked cushions and clothes.

http://www.justnews.com/news/19118841/detail.html

Posted via web from lons's posterous

Hello...I'm Lon Harris...


Posted via web from lons's posterous

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

These Cats Look Like Wilford Brimley


What more is there to say? These five cats distinctly resemble Liberty Medical pitchman and "Thing" star Wilford Brimley. Enjoy.

http://gatoisland.com/archive/wilfordbrimleycats/

Posted via web from lons's posterous