Tuesday, July 07, 2009

The Megan Fox-Michael Bay sex tape cost $400 million and includes the destruction of half of Los Angeles


Now, though, Page Six tells us just how Megan Fox nabbed the role in the first place. According to them, when Michael Bay auditioned her for the first Transformers, he actually made her wash his Ferrari while he filmed the whole thing. Yup. She washed his car. His Ferrari. While he filmed her. And that's how she got the role in Transformers. If you need anymore proof of just how perverted Hollywood is sometimes, look no further than Mr. Michael Bay. Oh, but it gets better ...

I mean, it may sound a bit crude, but how else is Michael Bay even supposed to decide who to cast in his movies. The roles require no real acting ability, so you can't really have potential actresses read lines. And there are so many quick cuts, you never even get a clear look at them during the 260 minute running time, so a conventional screen test is pointless.

The best system would just be to put them in a bright room and spin around them quickly while throwing shards of metal and shrapnel in their direction. Anyone who survives and doesn't run out of the room screaming and begging for her life gets the part!

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Patton Oswalt is a "Big Fan"

Hopefully, this is better than Robert De Niro's film about an emotionally troubled sports fan. Cause that one didn't go so well.

Also, I'm dubious about any film Peter Travers dubs as "vital."

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Monday, July 06, 2009

The "Scrumdiddlyumptious" remix tastes like snozzberries

More demented genius from the man behind the Alice in Wonderland and Mary Poppins remixes. This is fast becoming my favorite YouTube channel.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Sarah Palin Announces Resignation as Governor (Part Deux)

We have accomplished so much and there’s much more to do, but my family and I determined after prayerful consideration that sacrificing my title helps Alaska most. And once I decided not to run for re-election, my decision was that much easier – I’ve never been one to waste time or resources.

Seriously...what the hell is she talking about? This statement makes no sense. It implies that she made the decision to step down as governor (only after "prayerful consideration," mind you) BEFORE she made the decision not to run for a second term...Guh? Was there a time in which she considered quitting before the end of her first term and then running for a second? Cause...that's weird...

Also, I just LOVED this sentence:

"I’ve never thought I needed a title before one’s name to forge progress in America."

But...but...I thought that a community organizer didn't do anything, while a Governor had real responsibilities! It seems like that whole 2008 election was forever ago, but she said that less than 1 year ago!

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Friday, July 03, 2009

Sarah Palin Announces Resignation as Governor (Video)

Okay, I'm sorry...what the hell is she talking about? It sounds like she's afraid to pause after a sentence, lest any of us get a chance to actually think about what's being said, or reporters have a shot at asking questions. By the time she gets around to the "full-court press analogy," I sort of tuned out without realizing.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Leighton Meester, MJ, Billy Mays, @shiralazar a squirrel and me star in TWIYT #52. Take a look!

This was one of the most challenging episodes I've ever had to write because of all the celebrity deaths. I want to reference them, because our show discusses what's buzzy and in the news, and this dominated everyone's attention all week...And I have to at least attempt to be funny, because that's what we do.

But I don't want to make people upset or offend anyone. That's not what I'm about. So I try to find a happy middle ground, a way to mock the situation or the coverage, without making light of people's genuine feelings of loss and sadness. Not easy.

Making fun of Leighton Meester and Asher Roth? Easy.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Thursday, July 02, 2009

The Freak-Out Guy has won at least 60% of the Internet at this point

Should we be concerned that there may not be enough Internet to divide between the rest of us?

Note for YouTube commenters: It doesn't matter if this is fake. It would still be awesome.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Local Reporter Talks about Michael Jackson, Refuses to Take Guff

So awesome...One of my top 3 favorite things about the Internet is how we all get to share in the glory of hilarious local news clips that otherwise would go unseen outside of a single urban area.

Posted via web from LonHarris.com